Jump into the Fog

If I was a sculptor, but then again no.

Today is Chinese New year which I suppose is the Chinese equivalent of Christmas. This festivity is so important to the Chinese that it is quite interesting to watch everyone rush around preparing for the new year.

My time in Hong Kong is coming to an end after a week and a bit lounging around here, doing nothing in particular. In a way, I kinda want to go back to uni and at other times wish I was back to school. For some reason, when I am truly immersed into equations, I just stop thinking about other things that may be on my mind and find a sense of solace. Strange. Perhaps I should take out some maths to do whenever I feel down and just work my way through the calculus as a way of getting away from the world. Ugh. But honestly why are my posts always centered amongst self pitying. Fuck that shit.

It's pretty cold today. I haven't stepped out to such freezer like conditions in a while.
Oh hey. I just scratched an itch on my face and found another pimple. Fuck my acne. It is fucking horrible and a massive mood killer. Might as well just conceal everything because my acne seems to like to just simply hang around.....can't you just fucking disappear one day?

I'm so terribly bored here in hong kong. I really need to find something to do with my life. Perhaps I will go on 9gag. Or maybe I should just piss off and sleep forever. Bored.

Hong Kong

The thing about Hong Kong is that you nearly have no time to recharge. I'm exhausted every day....I think it's because there are so many people around and it's really hard to find time alone. Like sure meeting relatives is important and them wanting to be around everyday is fine...but I must seem rude for wanting to dash out of the house to get some time by myself and for that I apologise.

Nevertheless, what's funny about this whole trip is how people wan to meet up with me. It seems as though everyone is trying to contact me one way or another. This is not bragging but merely an observation on human behaviour how that when one is gone, will people only realise your absence. Just like death, only does then do people miss you like hell and regret every lost chance with you. Morbid.

I'm eternally immature. I know that. Urgh. I am Sitting in a shop posting this. People are unreliable. Did you know that? They can also be confusing. People say I'm weird ( I honestly get that a lot) but in essence I don't care. Cause that's who I am. Take it or leave it.

The road is long, we carry on.

There are those days where I feel like blogging yet I have no words left. Let's see where this goes today...

Anyway, I'm heading off to Hong Kong on Sunday with my sister. Whenever I leave for Hong Kong, I just have these episodes of feeling down. Going to Hong Kong just does something odd to me. Perhaps it stems from feeling disorientated whenever I land there cause everything is supposed to be familiar but in reality, it's all foreign in my eyes.

Listening to Lana Del Rey makes me incredibly sad. I remember talking to YY on Skype about her songs and it's just that...her voice sounds so freaking sad all the time, like she is yearning to be loved. And YY commented about how if someone like herself who is so damn attractive and all could feel this way, then there is simply no hope for us. That could be true. I'm just stuck in a rut right now and well, I suppose I am naive in many matters.

I don't know what is up with my life. Sometimes it's great, leading me to believe things and therefore end up deluded as if what has been happening was just something I played in my mind. And then comes the downfall when I realise that what I have played in my mind was just a figment of my imagination, manifested. I have an acute ability to understand people and their feelings but when it's something to do with me directly, I am eternally confused and misunderstood. Perhaps this is another incident where I am wrong again. When will I ever be right? Expectations vs. Reality. Reality wins again. I surrender.

Now will anything change? No.

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security." - Albert Einstein

Teenage Queen the Loaded Gun.

I went to the library today to borrow some books after not going there for almost 6 months. I like how quiet the library is when it's the school holidays and you don't have the masses of hormonal year 11 + 12 St George + Tech students flirting all the time. Nevertheless, I found some solace as I dug deep into the non fiction books, looking through books of paintings and other magnificent architecture of Paris. And then I found a book on the artworks of Degas. From the first time I ever saw a work by Degas, I had been entranced by his work. There's a gentle yet sad quality about all the subjects he paints, as if I was an omnipresent being looking over these ballerinas in their daily activities. 

And then there was Edward Hopper's Nighthawks. I have a very vague recollection of this painting but as I look at it again, I was very much intrigued by it all and thereby, I came home and searched for analyses on it. According to Hopper, the painting essentially consists of 3 subjects who are vulnerable to the outside as they are bathed in the bright lights who are therefore, exposed. The man working behind the counter is in Hopper's words, 'free' for he is able to leave as he wants, has a job and perhaps a family. There's something about this painting I really identify with... Nighthawks was composed at the end of the Great Depression so therefore, it must've been relevant to that era yet I feel this painting is still as relevant to our lives as ever. Sometimes, despite living in such a big city where people proliferate the streets and seem like they enjoy life and all it's glory, loneliness is still as present as ever. I feel like at this day and age with all the intrusions from digital communications and how social networking is so emphasised that it is expected that everyone is happy...? Yet as you look further in and focus harder on people, you can see that that is not the case. That not everyone is happy and there is a place where they retreat to, where they feel most alone and most vulnerable. Like the cafe above, it is located in what seems like an apparently big city yet the cafe can't help but look uninviting, as if this is the culmination of the worries, loneliness and emptiness that cannot be expressed in regular life, where apparent smiles are what are only acceptable. The scene that Hopper creates is just so desolate and lonely, resonating hopelessness in an increasingly overwhelming world. 

As I think back to my minimal artistic pursuits in years 7 - 10, I had come to the realisation that...those assignments where we analysed artworks were actually quite fun. And I also really miss being creative and just drawing whatever I pleased, plastered whatever inspired me onto the artwork I was completing. I remember painting a self portrait of myself...that was atrocious but in a way, I do wish I still had it because it's still part of my body of work. So from now until the end of the holidays, I guess I shall be divulging in collages and scrapbooking. The work I produce will certainly be substandard but I guess that's the best I can do. 

Hey.

Sup?

How are you?


No I honestly mean it.
How are YOU?

I'm bored.

Everything that happens from now.

The Christmas tree and decorations are now taken down. The lead up to Christmas, both amongst my friends and commercially was quite large this year. It seemed as though it was the sole event everyone was looking forward to most. The interval between Christmas and New Years was also filled with that urgency of celebration, as if everyone just wanted to have fun. But what is most disappointing about this whole celebration season is how it ends so quickly. I guess that's why some people have post celebration blues.

Anyway.
Nothing to say here.

So stay there, cause I'll be coming over.

So last night was spent watching ABC1 as I turned on the television and there it was, Stephen Fry's America. There are so many good shows on ABC1 and I spent a good old uh...2 hours just situated in front of the tv. 'Live from Abbey Road' sessions followed Fry's America and hence, I watched that. I don't seem to be making coherent sentences in this post and for that I sincerely apologise but the point of this post is that despite a time interval of 3 years, The Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition transcends time and is an enduring classic. So here you go, The Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition below.

I think I'll be heading off to Hong Kong very soon. And honestly, I am not too excited about it except for the plane ride itself. I think I love the plane ride because I am just not...annoyed. Haha, it's like they give you a seat capsule and you're left in there, undisturbed and able to do anything you please. Well, that's what I do. Only do I ever get up to take a trip to the loo, ask for more food or more water... And when they dim the lights in the cabin and when you are well and truly immersed into movie projected in the screen in front...that, to me is the best feeling ever. I must sound like an asocial retard here but that's considered one of my life pleasures.

Anyway, I haven't been doing too much these few days into 2012. Most that I've done is write a crapload in my journal accompanied with miscellaneous doodles here and there. Thinking about it, I haven't really done anything of scrapbooking in a long time. Perhaps it is a good time to start now, since the year is new and young. I don't know about you, but I feel this year is going to be different in a way I cannot articulate. Everything feels different already so perhaps there may be exciting things in store, or not. Who knows? Just go with the flow... Maybe I should take on something creative, my mind is buzzing right now. 

Halo

1. NYE was good. I chimed my sister's friend's party...I felt kinda bad because it seemed as though I was just leeching off...but in the end, it was a good experience/time. It's been ages since I last had a new years in Australia and to celebrate the arrival of the new year with people other than just simply immediate family was a new experience to remember
2. I went hiking with the same group of people (as referenced above) on the 1st. It was an immensely enjoyable trek in the bush and just being in touch with nature felt really good. Even though it was hot and tiring and everything uncomfortable, I still love hiking. I loved every moment of that trek along the coast and then to the beach. I'm not making much sense but it was a good one. 
3. 2012 is bound to bring in new memories. I hope they will be good ones. Perhaps things will change? Will people come into my life? Will others walk out? I don't know but I'm hopeful that maybe...someone will come into my life. Only time will tell. And heck, I'm being so ambiguous. Ha...