CHERRY TREE.

2o'clock insomnia...

2012-01-31T03:00:00.000+11:00

My body clock has been mucked up ever since I arrived from Hong Kong. It's edging 3am but I can still soldier on because I am so use to living in a different time zone now. Nevertheless, here goes nothing...

At times like these, when it's early in the morning and thoughts are wild, I proceed to just vomit verbally. So I must admit, I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to matters concerning people I am interested. Ugh how cowardly is that, I can't even plainly say 'matters concerning the people I LIKE' fuck why are you so retarded, Katie ? I don't understand. Being a girl, I've never learnt what to say to the other of I ever liked them. I suppose it has stemmed from too much watching shitty romcoms, silencing me forevermore to say anything for fear of feeling embarassed. And whenever I talk to them I over think what to write what to say what to do, rendering a pretty damn loves by me who hides behind a facade of being really tough and as if I couldn't give more of a shit. That's way beside the truth and ...not true at all. I guess having a crush is fun yet kinda kills you. Because you don't know what to do and are given mixed signals. It's just baffling to figure out what the hell is going on. In one frame of mind, you want to believe what you're sensing because you just believe in it. But then on the other hand, your logic tells you not to be so naive concerning such matters and not to over think a thing because it may have been just a fixation that occurred within your mind.

Sometimes I just wish I could perhaps become someone else who just isn't afraid of getting hurt and just confront feelings and seek out answers. But then I can't because I start to think about their lifestyle and all and start to feel intimidated because I realise that maybe we are worlds apart in several aspects....just their experience. Exause of their difference in age.

Lately, I cannot stop thinking about them. (I don't use he because it sounds like he is mine so therefore I use them and so despite widespread belief, I am not a lesbian). But really, I have no idea what the fuck to do. Do I just hope that they will know ? Hope never gets anyone anywhere but I am way too afraid to say a thing. They are a semi j sort of person and at times, kinda serious when it is serious. But I'm afriad if i take some initiative that it will backfire, that I will become the laughing stock of some. Because this infatuation is rather bizarre. And therm I start having doubts whether they feel the same or not. I'm just so confused and lost in the world of emotions.

Jump into the Fog

2012-01-30T00:26:00.001+11:00

If I was a sculptor, but then again no.

2012-01-23T20:02:00.001+11:00

Today is Chinese New year which I suppose is the Chinese equivalent of Christmas. This festivity is so important to the Chinese that it is quite interesting to watch everyone rush around preparing for the new year.

My time in Hong Kong is coming to an end after a week and a bit lounging around here, doing nothing in particular. In a way, I kinda want to go back to uni and at other times wish I was back to school. For some reason, when I am truly immersed into equations, I just stop thinking about other things that may be on my mind and find a sense of solace. Strange. Perhaps I should take out some maths to do whenever I feel down and just work my way through the calculus as a way of getting away from the world. Ugh. But honestly why are my posts always centered amongst self pitying. Fuck that shit.

It's pretty cold today. I haven't stepped out to such freezer like conditions in a while.
Oh hey. I just scratched an itch on my face and found another pimple. Fuck my acne. It is fucking horrible and a massive mood killer. Might as well just conceal everything because my acne seems to like to just simply hang around.....can't you just fucking disappear one day?

I'm so terribly bored here in hong kong. I really need to find something to do with my life. Perhaps I will go on 9gag. Or maybe I should just piss off and sleep forever. Bored.

Hong Kong

2012-01-19T13:57:00.001+11:00

The thing about Hong Kong is that you nearly have no time to recharge. I'm exhausted every day....I think it's because there are so many people around and it's really hard to find time alone. Like sure meeting relatives is important and them wanting to be around everyday is fine...but I must seem rude for wanting to dash out of the house to get some time by myself and for that I apologise.

Nevertheless, what's funny about this whole trip is how people wan to meet up with me. It seems as though everyone is trying to contact me one way or another. This is not bragging but merely an observation on human behaviour how that when one is gone, will people only realise your absence. Just like death, only does then do people miss you like hell and regret every lost chance with you. Morbid.

I'm eternally immature. I know that. Urgh. I am Sitting in a shop posting this. People are unreliable. Did you know that? They can also be confusing. People say I'm weird ( I honestly get that a lot) but in essence I don't care. Cause that's who I am. Take it or leave it.

The road is long, we carry on.

2012-01-13T22:18:00.000+11:00

There are those days where I feel like blogging yet I have no words left. Let's see where this goes today...

Anyway, I'm heading off to Hong Kong on Sunday with my sister. Whenever I leave for Hong Kong, I just have these episodes of feeling down. Going to Hong Kong just does something odd to me. Perhaps it stems from feeling disorientated whenever I land there cause everything is supposed to be familiar but in reality, it's all foreign in my eyes.

Listening to Lana Del Rey makes me incredibly sad. I remember talking to YY on Skype about her songs and it's just that...her voice sounds so freaking sad all the time, like she is yearning to be loved. And YY commented about how if someone like herself who is so damn attractive and all could feel this way, then there is simply no hope for us. That could be true. I'm just stuck in a rut right now and well, I suppose I am naive in many matters.

I don't know what is up with my life. Sometimes it's great, leading me to believe things and therefore end up deluded as if what has been happening was just something I played in my mind. And then comes the downfall when I realise that what I have played in my mind was just a figment of my imagination, manifested. I have an acute ability to understand people and their feelings but when it's something to do with me directly, I am eternally confused and misunderstood. Perhaps this is another incident where I am wrong again. When will I ever be right? Expectations vs. Reality. Reality wins again. I surrender.

Now will anything change? No.

2012-01-11T12:12:00.000+11:00

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe", a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security." - Albert Einstein

Teenage Queen the Loaded Gun.

2012-01-10T19:45:00.000+11:00

I went to the library today to borrow some books after not going there for almost 6 months. I like how quiet the library is when it's the school holidays and you don't have the masses of hormonal year 11 + 12 St George + Tech students flirting all the time. Nevertheless, I found some solace as I dug deep into the non fiction books, looking through books of paintings and other magnificent architecture of Paris. And then I found a book on the artworks of Degas. From the first time I ever saw a work by Degas, I had been entranced by his work. There's a gentle yet sad quality about all the subjects he paints, as if I was an omnipresent being looking over these ballerinas in their daily activities.

And then there was Edward Hopper's Nighthawks. I have a very vague recollection of this painting but as I look at it again, I was very much intrigued by it all and thereby, I came home and searched for analyses on it. According to Hopper, the painting essentially consists of 3 subjects who are vulnerable to the outside as they are bathed in the bright lights who are therefore, exposed. The man working behind the counter is in Hopper's words, 'free' for he is able to leave as he wants, has a job and perhaps a family. There's something about this painting I really identify with... Nighthawks was composed at the end of the Great Depression so therefore, it must've been relevant to that era yet I feel this painting is still as relevant to our lives as ever. Sometimes, despite living in such a big city where people proliferate the streets and seem like they enjoy life and all it's glory, loneliness is still as present as ever. I feel like at this day and age with all the intrusions from digital communications and how social networking is so emphasised that it is expected that everyone is happy...? Yet as you look further in and focus harder on people, you can see that that is not the case. That not everyone is happy and there is a place where they retreat to, where they feel most alone and most vulnerable. Like the cafe above, it is located in what seems like an apparently big city yet the cafe can't help but look uninviting, as if this is the culmination of the worries, loneliness and emptiness that cannot be expressed in regular life, where apparent smiles are what are only acceptable. The scene that Hopper creates is just so desolate and lonely, resonating hopelessness in an increasingly overwhelming world.

As I think back to my minimal artistic pursuits in years 7 - 10, I had come to the realisation that...those assignments where we analysed artworks were actually quite fun. And I also really miss being creative and just drawing whatever I pleased, plastered whatever inspired me onto the artwork I was completing. I remember painting a self portrait of myself...that was atrocious but in a way, I do wish I still had it because it's still part of my body of work. So from now until the end of the holidays, I guess I shall be divulging in collages and scrapbooking. The work I produce will certainly be substandard but I guess that's the best I can do.

Hey.

2012-01-08T19:38:00.003+11:00

Sup?

How are you?

No I honestly mean it.
How are YOU?

I'm bored.

Everything that happens from now.

2012-01-07T20:02:00.000+11:00

The Christmas tree and decorations are now taken down. The lead up to Christmas, both amongst my friends and commercially was quite large this year. It seemed as though it was the sole event everyone was looking forward to most. The interval between Christmas and New Years was also filled with that urgency of celebration, as if everyone just wanted to have fun. But what is most disappointing about this whole celebration season is how it ends so quickly. I guess that's why some people have post celebration blues.

Anyway.
Nothing to say here.

So stay there, cause I'll be coming over.

2012-01-06T14:58:00.001+11:00

So last night was spent watching ABC1 as I turned on the television and there it was, Stephen Fry's America. There are so many good shows on ABC1 and I spent a good old uh...2 hours just situated in front of the tv. 'Live from Abbey Road' sessions followed Fry's America and hence, I watched that. I don't seem to be making coherent sentences in this post and for that I sincerely apologise but the point of this post is that despite a time interval of 3 years, The Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition transcends time and is an enduring classic. So here you go, The Temper Trap's Sweet Disposition below.

I think I'll be heading off to Hong Kong very soon. And honestly, I am not too excited about it except for the plane ride itself. I think I love the plane ride because I am just not...annoyed. Haha, it's like they give you a seat capsule and you're left in there, undisturbed and able to do anything you please. Well, that's what I do. Only do I ever get up to take a trip to the loo, ask for more food or more water... And when they dim the lights in the cabin and when you are well and truly immersed into movie projected in the screen in front...that, to me is the best feeling ever. I must sound like an asocial retard here but that's considered one of my life pleasures.

Anyway, I haven't been doing too much these few days into 2012. Most that I've done is write a crapload in my journal accompanied with miscellaneous doodles here and there. Thinking about it, I haven't really done anything of scrapbooking in a long time. Perhaps it is a good time to start now, since the year is new and young. I don't know about you, but I feel this year is going to be different in a way I cannot articulate. Everything feels different already so perhaps there may be exciting things in store, or not. Who knows? Just go with the flow... Maybe I should take on something creative, my mind is buzzing right now.

Halo

2012-01-03T01:44:00.003+11:00

NYE was good. I chimed my sister's friend's party...I felt kinda bad because it seemed as though I was just leeching off...but in the end, it was a good experience/time. It's been ages since I last had a new years in Australia and to celebrate the arrival of the new year with people other than just simply immediate family was a new experience to remember
I went hiking with the same group of people (as referenced above) on the 1st. It was an immensely enjoyable trek in the bush and just being in touch with nature felt really good. Even though it was hot and tiring and everything uncomfortable, I still love hiking. I loved every moment of that trek along the coast and then to the beach. I'm not making much sense but it was a good one.
2012 is bound to bring in new memories. I hope they will be good ones. Perhaps things will change? Will people come into my life? Will others walk out? I don't know but I'm hopeful that maybe...someone will come into my life. Only time will tell. And heck, I'm being so ambiguous. Ha...

XI

2011-12-31T18:56:00.001+11:00

Goodbye 2011.

2011, you've been a gigantic year. I was so busy throughout most of it that the whole year just went by and caught me unawares. On the bigger scale, 2011 has seen some of the most moving revolutions that went to succession and at other darker times, 2011 saw some of the most atrocious natural disasters in history. It was a year of change and there's no denying it.

And in my world, things did change. I went to uni, I made new friends and I think I grew up. I thought I was pretty well grown up coming out of high school but as I sit here and look back at myself and the many things I did last year, I've grown a shitload. You can say that in high school I was always so insecure and there were times when I was just stuck in my mind. I didn't totally fit in with everyone there...but then came 2011, a new beginning in terms of making new friends. I thought 'fuck it, I am going to be myself' and that came off well. I feel happy, as if I am true to myself.

Honestly, a new year really means a new way of writing the year in exercise books sometimes. And tomorrow I am going to wake up the same way, feeling the same as I did the day before... But what is most significant about stepping into the new year is the new start that can happen...like wiping to a clean state or something. Nevertheless, here's to 2012 and a new chapter in life. I don't know what I'll see in 2012 but I'm hoping I'll grow and seize every moment so that I may look back with fondness as I am doing so right now on 2011, despite it being such a confronting year.

Happy New Year. xx

Hello.

2011-12-29T02:59:00.001+11:00

As I am not preoccupied with anything lately, my mind has been wandering off to places and I live everyday without looking at the calendar. It only really dawned on me now that 2011 is on its end soon. It's hard to believe because I can remember that exact moment when we stepped into 2011 and farewelled 2010, another unforgettable year ... (I was in London too...ha)

If I look back at the year...like I look at a timeline, this year would feel so massive and long, in the sense that so many things happened yet I lived through everyday and tried to seize all the chances that were presented before me. January flew by like a blur as I was enjoying my time in the UK and Hong Kong. February was spent in Sydney and feeling the blues as I was reluctant to realise that I was growing up and heading into uni. March was spent loathing my course and feeling somewhat lonesome and hopeless at the rate my friendships were developing at uni. April was cold, so was May... June was spent revising and realising that there was an incredibly hot guy in my tutorial group. July was fun and my birthday. August was study. So was September...October...what was that? November was study/relax/meet up. December was spent in Sydney, doing nothing.

And where did the whole year go? Just like that, the whole year just passed by...like it bypassed me or something. It's late at night and my writing ability is on the decline.

I've been rereading my posts on this blog. It's amazing how much clarity I can remember most events by. The thing that gets me about memories is just that I can go back to the mindset before and feel what I felt at that moment. And then I become overwhelmed because sometimes these memories are so good that I just want to be there and experience them all over again. But I have to learn to let go of the past and move on the future. I'm learning, trust me I am. But it will take it's time as I take baby steps to not think about the past as often as I usually do. Sentimental at heart...that's me.

2012 is on it's way. Very soon

And soon....in the blink of the eye, I'll be 50.

Recently.

2011-12-25T18:54:00.003+11:00

1. Merry Christmas

2. Went to the Tea Salon at Pitt St Mall with Cortney on Thursday. Twas a lovely outing and I am sure I must have plastered the interweb with these pictures. But I frankly quite like them because the colours turned out quite nice using the app I recently downloaded.

Speech Day

2011-12-15T00:25:00.000+11:00

As much as I would have loved to have won an award at speech day when I was still a student at my high school, I never ever won one until I left the school. I was always so disappointed when my name was never called out because deep down I knew I worked so hard and that after all these years of trying, maybe I would be deserving of an award at least? I only ever really got an award in year 12 and it was one of those stupid community award ones which you actually apply for, completely pointless. Nevertheless, I got that but it wasn't something that was reflective of my educational efforts. Fast forward to 2011 and I receive a letter in the mail telling that I have won one award due to my ATAR and all. I was pleasantly surprised but bitter....in the way that it was only externally that I could have validated my dedication and the amount I have tried in school.

Speech day was on Friday and I received my award. After receiving it, I felt nothing. It was really just a piece of paper where the school validated your efforts that you've made over the years. After the ceremony, people ran off to talk to teachers...catching up and everything. I decided to do the same with teachers and all, but unlike other students who had endless things to talk to their teachers about, I had nothing. In fact, in the few conversations I had, I was lost for words and everything I said to one teacher was just met with a few confused looks...as if I was deluded or just a terribly awkward person. And as I gathered, I thought about all the times at school. I tried hard every year, trying my best to achieve something to validate my achievements....a piece of bloody paper with a few signatures scrawled over them. I value how the school has given me an award for my ATAR but in a way, I feel like it has taken this long for actually someone to notice that I have tried so hard all my life.... and in the end it was all for a piece of paper. And to know that no teachers recognise me (except for one very very dear maths teacher whom I'll always love for her patience, kindness and teachings) kinda sucks...as if I was truly a forgettable student. Writing this kinda implies that I think I was deserving of some recognition. Of course, maybe my marks were not truly up to standard to what teachers were looking for. But I truly don't think that topping my maths class, doing really well in science and quite okay in english in year 8 did not warrant any sort of improvement award.

I was cleaning up my room today and I found the certificate I received on Friday. It was a bit crumpled and creased....something I would be horrified about if I were to receive it during my schooling years. I filed it away and in doing so, I realise that high school is over for me. If not for anything, I'll not step foot into high school anymore. It's taken me ages to realise but you have to bloody move on and not dwell in the past. It's a habit I'm trying to stop and if you read my blog, I think you're probably sick of my nostalgia. But looking back at this chapter, I think I would rather forget it than to remember much.

I'm gonna marry the night, I'm not gonna cry anymore. I'm gonna marry the night, leave nothing left on these streets to explore.

From the faun forever gone.

2011-12-11T23:22:00.001+11:00

Towers.

Shake It Out

2011-12-08T21:31:00.001+11:00

Lately I've been having so much down time by myself. Despite having friends that want to meet up, I choose not to because I just like to spend time dwelling in my thoughts...which of course, is not a good thing. But I've got to spend quality time with my family especially my parents and just see that my life isn't really unworthy, that despite so many failures that have seemingly inundated my present life....at least I still have life to live for.

After receiving my end of sem results, I have started to doubt myself. I'm doubting whether or not physiotherapy is the right course for me, yet again and the incredible want to do medicine started to cloud my mind again. Sometimes, I wish I did medicine so that I would be on track to do what I want to do...I am interested in the brain and hence I want to be a psychiatrist. There's so much to learn about mental illnesses and the excessive stigma associated with having any such disease is just terribly unfortunate. Nevertheless, what I really want to articulate here is that my atrocious UMAT results really bothered me. Despite thinking that I was over it and that I could accept it and move on, I did not know that my disappointment was deeply embedded within my subconscious, that I could not move on so easily and that I was still stuck in a rut. These feelings resurfaced as soon as my results were released. At first, I was ecstatic that my anatomy results were much better than those I had in semester 1 and thereby, relief was all I felt. But then as it sunk in, I started to worry about my GPA and then I realised I still had my mind on medicine. Somehow, I am still treating my course as a leaping pad for a career in medicine. I still want it so much.

So I broke down in my mind and started to lose it. I couldn't think and I just couldn't see anyway out. It was terrible. But upon reevaluation, I could see my flaw. I have spent too much time being overly confident about something I had no control over and that hurt. The UMAT remains as my biggest obstacle right now. I have also spent time wishing that some miracle can happen that perhaps my mind will become something better than what it is right now. And that's another flaw: Wishing or praying. To be practical, all that wishing + praying ever does is just to calm your mind and feel a false sense of security, as if there were really angels in the magnificent sky above answering your wishes and granting everything to you. There isn't and I am afraid that if no action occurs, nothing will eventuate. That's life, so don't expect money to rain all over when you wish upon a shooting star.

In the end, life is what you make of it. If you don't try hard, you won't get results. They say UMAT is a test you cannot study for. But I'm the type of person who knows that by not studying, I cannot get anything out of it. So I will. And I will become a doctor in the end no matter how hard it is going to be. It may be a long road ahead, a road full of unknowns but someone of incredible wisdom in history once said, 'When there's a will, there's a way'. 2012 will see a different person in me, I will endure to live in the present and look to the future. The past is always a great source of comfort but there is no use dwelling upon it. Life is what we make of it. It's the best wisdom I can ever say to anyone and I will grasp it all. I will be your doctor. That's my promise.

Red Lights

2011-12-02T00:18:00.001+11:00

Today I've been reminiscing about my visit to the UK. It's been nearly a year since I stepped off the plane and landed into Heathrow Airport and was absolutely amazed by all the sites I saw (of which were previously only observed via digital means). I can remember that initial landing where I was just so excited to finally see London. I have dreamed of going there since forever...well, perhaps since 2007 as it was the time when I fell in love with Mod 60s style (I still want to be a mod sometimes). Nevertheless, my uncle and aunty picked us up and we drove through the city and it was early in the morning...so it seemed as though the world was still asleep. It was also deep into winter the day we arrived so even though it was 7:30am on the clock, the world was all dark. I was terribly tired in the car with my body being so confused as to where it was. From departing a bright, sunny and hot Sydney we were suddenly in a climate where it was cool and the sun set at 4:00pm. But upon first glance at London town....I was immediately head over heels in love. Thinking about that first ever scene of the Thames River still gives me tingles. Some early morning joggers were also by the river, living life as they knew it. But to me, a Sydneysider who regards 15 degrees as cold was just so... wow, I don't even have the words to describe what I felt...But I was just amazed.

Fast forward to a week into England and we had already visited a few places. One trip I will never forget is our trip back from Bristol to London, via Yatminster, a country town. We went on a detour there to visit my dad's friend who resides in this lovely cul-de-sac within this lovely village that is even smaller than Yatminster. Where he lived was quintessentially village lifestyle, with a local pub down the road and other villages connected by just one narrow road. We had dinner at the Chetnole Inn, a place where I will never forget and always yearn to go back to because of the amazing food they serve. I had bangers and mash with an amazingly delicious entree and side...Honestly the best pub food I have ever had in my life.

Anyway, we had to drive back from Yatminster to suburban London...and it was quite late at night. We bought dad a coffee from the local petrol station and thus began perhaps the longest drive of his life. We were all exhausted and just flat out. The silly me also didn't remember to charge my iPod so I was just hanging onto its short life. Nevertheless, we drove through the countryside roads where there were minimal lights. I remember breathing onto the car windows and watching the world outside past by. There were some occasional lights outside which perhaps belonged to farm houses...everything was just so fantastically peaceful. My iPod was on shuffle so Delphic's Red Lights came on. We drove into the highways and as I watched outside, Red Lights was on full blast. And now whenever I hear this song, I can't help but think of the highways in England...

Dad was so tired from the drive that approximately an hour away from home, we stopped by the side of the road to take a rest. Everyone in the car was asleep and we were cold and my brother and I huddled together. I had already taken a few naps and hence, watched the cars outside whizz by and turned up Delphic's music even louder. UK - I miss you.

My incredible nostalgia may be too much to handle. But I think these few days I'll be posting about my visits. I want to remember as much detail as possible.

Aggravated

2011-12-01T00:00:00.001+11:00

I get so aggravated whenever I view something that is deeply rooted in xenophobia online where people lash out horrible remarks against others. After viewing the racist rant on a London tram on youtube, my blood boiled so much for her incredibly disgusting remarks against immigrants. How intolerant are you? What is this? People, despite having education are still so xenophobic in nature and that just scares me. Why can't everyone be accepting of everyone else? What's so disgusting about making friends with other races? It's what enriches our lives.

Yet as I watch that video, I can't help but think of Australia. There are still so many racial divides in society and that despite all the 'we are one, but we are many' songs that we had to sing in primary school and what not, there are still subclans of ethnic minorities in existence that aren't integrated to society. Racism makes me sick to the core and I just wish that people weren't so ignorant and so xenophobic. Effective education from a young age is crucial to overcome these ignorant views...but I have a feeling that achieving harmony and acceptance between everyone of all races will be something that won't happen in the near future...particularly in my life time.

And what's most funny is that...well, today I went to Paddy's Markets with my sister and her boyfriend just for kicks...just to walk around and what not. We walked past a few Caucasian young boys who didn't seem to be Sydneysiders...perhaps country boys going into the city for the day or something. They walked past us and after that I heard mockingly, 'bart-tar-flai', spoken in an accent. I suppose they were mocking our ethnicity and at that instance I really wanted to go up to them and remark that they had no right to mock us. We speak perfectly fine English and grew up here. I am as every bit Australian as you are. But alas, I didn't do a thing and walked off..

Sometimes I wonder why racism exists? Especially amongst western countries. Isn't it ironic that those in Asian countries receive westerners with such warm welcomes? What's even more bizarre is that whenever an Asian shopkeeper sees them, they treat them with an elevated level of respect and even a more welcoming stance... I just don't get why sometimes none of this is reciprocated...especially in Cronulla. Ha. I've not been there in ages...don't plan to either. I can't take racism, it makes me incredibly aggravated and then become passionate to eliminate it. I want to eliminate it to be honest....I hope there's a way.

Jacaranda Bloom

2011-11-29T22:08:00.001+11:00

When Life Happens

2011-11-29T20:21:00.001+11:00

It always happens whenever I go back to Hong Kong. Well, whenever I’m there, there’s this subconscious feeling where I feel superior to everybody there. Odd? Yeah, bizarre even. I have these urges to make it known to Honkies over there that I am an Aussie girl at heart despite my facade of looking every ounce Asian as you can get. And hence, I realise I do become rather obnoxious whenever I land there…from publicly flaunting my Australian accent to trying to tweak my near perfect Cantonese speech to imbue impressions of a foreigner.

I’ll definitely be heading off to Hong Kong again…perhaps during the beginning of January because I need to do many things…don’t worry, they’re not weird things. Nevertheless, I’m going to try and tone down my obnoxiousness and try and be a person who doesn’t show off….in Hong Kong.

Strange what growing up in a different culture does to you. Cause when you go back from where your roots lie, everything that is supposed to be familiar to you, isn’t at all. In fact, it is all foreign and you wonder what had happened to land yourself there in the beginning. So what is most weird about my life….is that despite totally blending in, in Hong Kong, I feel really lost and disorientated there because it is not life I am used to. Those Honkies live life at such speed, it's terrifying. Peak hour on the MTR trains freak me out. I remember when I took it by myself once to get from one suburb to the next and standing there, with all these cutesy looking HK girls and nerd glasses wearing boys made me feel so disgusting. I wanted to vomit and run off the train to find some refuge. But fuck, that was Hong Kong and everywhere you went, there were people and hence, you can’t hide from society. How unfortunate.

I used to find solace in conversing with my relatives, especially my little cousins. But heck, they’ve started to grown up and within a society like Hong Kong, they obviously adhere to their social norms and will inevitably find an identity that they’re comfortable with. From being best friends with one of my younger cousins, I found a stranger in him when I returned this year. Gone are those naive days of playing stupid games we made up. In fact, he openly mouthed to his mother (thinking that I wasn’t observant at all) that I was annoying him a lot. And that realisation hit home hard that my willingness to prolong my immaturity just so I could play with him as he was growing up (still in the youth years) was a one way street. Disappointing. Regardless, what I really want to say is that geographical separation does do stuff to people and that after all this, I have no other intention of going back to Hong Kong but to visit my grandparents and make sure they are well.

And whilst I’m on this epic rant (which I really did not intend), I would like to talk about my older HK cousins as well. I remember having great dilemmas in high school with regard to wanting them to accept me as someone significant…like their fucking cousin. I so wanted to impress them everytime I went back there and just wanted to seem cool in their eyes. As I grew older and them too, they really didn’t care about my siblings and myself much. Despite some failed attempts at some cousinly bonding, our familial relationships remained strained. I attribute them all to a lack of mutual interests and a dramatic difference in cultures. What they find funny is what I find immature and silly. My eldest HK cousin found an unintentional positioning of a wine bottle on someones crotch as something phallic and had a laughing fit for almost an hour. He showed his younger brother, who is also older than me by around 6 years. He couldn’t stop laughing either. I found much offence to that because the photo is of a grown man and I am pretty fucking sure he didn’t intend that and surely did not want to be humiliated of such an unintentional action.

I haven’t spoken to these two brothers in about a year…ever since I last left Hong Kong. I used to always make sure that I sent them a happy birthday wish every year via facebook, to make sure that they hadn’t forgotten about my existence. This year, I forgot about them until now…when one of them appeared on my facebook newsfeed. It’s a great pity that despite my extensive efforts of trying to achieve a bond amongst us as cousins, it was all in vain. And now that I think back to it, I am rather disappointed that we never got to be as close as some cousins ever did but most of all, we all grew up in different cultures and were subject to different external influences. Now that the whole year has passed and that I will be going to Hong Kong, no matter what.... if I see them again I guess I'll just be polite and acknowledge them. But to be honest, do I really want to? Perhaps not really because I just think back to all the times when they have shunned me and just simply ignored me. Whatever. But in essence, gaining their acceptance or simply their acknowledgement is nothing of any significance to me anymore. It may have been something I was conscious about every time I visited when I was still in high school...but because they have never cared about me nor my siblings, I am not going to waste my energy in vain anymore.

What’s on my mind is to keep those cousins who have all grown up in Western societies and maintain a tight bond with my siblings. How ironic is it that despite my evident Chinese appearance that the strongest bonds I find are amongst people who did not grow up in Chinese society? Yeah.

Cultural discrepancies are of an enduring interest of mine. But rarely do I rant this extensively.

Life

2011-11-28T00:37:00.001+11:00

I'm...trying to put myself into a different mindset...with regard to many things concerning the heart.
But yeah...thoughts overwhelm me.
Logic always sounds ridiculous when it concerns matters of the heart.
Sometimes I don't know what to do.
I just hope....I won't break =\
I'll be okay.

Maybe a week off from seeing people will be good.

Jungle

2011-11-21T20:16:00.001+11:00

Tonight is one of those nights when I have exhausted everything to do and watch on the internet and those that are on my hard drive. I just don't feel like it despite having an excessive overload of tv shows and movies to watch. I started watching 'Community' and I quite like it, however, I feel no motivation to finish a fair few episodes.

The holidays do something strange to me. Perhaps its the lack of preoccupation and a lack of direction in knowing what to do with my sudden increase in time. During the semester, it seemed that watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother was way more luring than studying away for say anatomy or neuroscience. But right now, I don't feel like that either. I feel like I am becoming a recluse to say the very least.

I have talked to friends...by means of digital communication as of late...as in these few days. I had gone out with other friends on the first few days of holidays but that was a while ago. I suppose I feel somewhat bored and lack of human interaction (excluding family members) is starting to take its toll.

I guess I should have blogged about how I felt with regard to finishing the first year of uni ever. Fast. That's one of the key words I must use to describe the year. It was just fast and a new experience as a whole. I met so many friends for life and I can clearly remember all those times loathing how far away Lidcombe campus is away from home, rendering its inaccessibility and how desolate university felt at times. But time flies, things change and my vitriol for the campus manifested to a tough love sort of thing. I grew attached to Lidcombe and those commutes every morning and every afternoon soon became enjoyable experiences. As soon as I jumped on the train and said goodbye to every classmate, I had time to think and just reflect about life, it was relaxing. I must seem very repetitive because I have written about the growth in friendships amongst my uni mates and I, but having friends who are all nice and genuine is a wonderful feeling. I guess I had only become to feel like I could trust anyone in semester 2...as in Sem 1 I was a girl who was just afraid. But ever since then, uni has become a great new adventure. Those 'you had to be there'/'inside jokes' have started to manifest and I am confident there are soon to be many more.

Anyway, enough about university and all that. I feel like I have grown a lifetime this year. The whole block of high school is...petty compared in a way. Sure I may have hit puberty then (still am ridden with puberty blues ala acne on my face as of now) but growing up and maturing mentally did not exactly correlate to physical changes in duration.

Something has been plaguing my mind for a while. It's a really complicated situation, something that is not right on my behalf. Am I giving any hints? I'll be going out tomorrow...perhaps I can sort things out by sharing my matters with some close friends. It's getting a little overwhelming right now....just dealing with this myself. =\

Air

2011-11-11T17:06:00.001+11:00

Air by Snakadaktal.

This song is so sublime and beautiful, I can't stop listening to it.

Her voice is very strange, kinda whingey yet addictive to listen to. The song itself is composed brilliantly anyway. Really seeing great stuff for this Unearthed band. Wow.

And today is 11/11/11. What an awesome number. Did everyone make a wish at 11:11? What's even weirder is that I forever have 11:11am immortalised on a bus travel ticket. Interesting...maybe.

Rainy Day.

2011-11-07T19:14:00.000+11:00

It rained a lot today. That photo above is not mine though.

I remember exactly a year ago today...it rained a crap load. I think I went out to karaoke with some school friends, we had planned this outing ages ago as well...before the HSC even started. Anyhow, it was a hot hot day in the morning...yet as I caught the train home, the sky started to pour. I ran in the rain with my flats and stepped on puddles of dirty water and hence, contracted a damn foot infection which was rather annoying. Funny how it's all still so vivid in my mind. Because the more I think about it, the more I actually remember...unlike what usually happens with memory deterioration.

I'll be doing my first exam tomorrow. I feel okay about it and I hope I know everything that is presented to me. Guess I shouldn't be blogging eh? But I can't resist it.

Thinking about it, semester 2 went by really quickly. Have I typed this out already? I feel like I have but I don't know. But I guess the main reason why sem flew by was really because of the amount of fun I had. I got a whole lot closer to my uni friends and learnt more and more about such people I hang around with. I have a few friends which I am especially close to and I am grateful for that. However, like myself a few of them want to pursue other studies, not physiotherapy. So I don't know whether or not I will be farewelling them in the future and if so, it would be a shame. But I wish them well in all their endeavours.

Leaf House

2011-11-04T23:00:00.000+11:00

Exams are creeping up so soon and I wish I could say I was exceptionally prepared but that is not the case unfortunately. Lately I've been thinking about the future and what will become of my life in the most realistic sense. There is a part of me who still wants to pursue medicine but if I want to keep my feet on the ground and not stretch my imagination too far, I think in the end I'll still become a physiotherapist.

Today we went to Bardwell Valley Golf Club for dinner. The food was quite nice and golf course that the club overlooked was amazing. And that led me thinking back to the time when I was in the Hunter with my uni mates during sem 1 break. Being there at that moment felt something like being able to flee away form the bustles of the city lifestyle and just simply being able to relax amongst nature, which I really liked. So I thought about the future as I sipped my schooner of beer...maybe if I do really become a physio, maybe one day I'll end up leaving the city in search of somewhere regional/rural and be amongst trees and all the like. The other dream is to live in the UK and work as a physio there...but that's also stretching it far and plus, physios in UK earn less than those in Australia. Ah. well.

There's really no point to this post...other than the sheer fact that one day I want to be out of Sydney. To where, I don't know at this moment. Be it somewhere rural or even the UK, I'll welcome any change with open arms.

I've got nothing to add or contest.

2011-10-30T18:12:00.003+11:00

Waiting for the 7.18...
There's something I realised yesterday as I wrote in several of my personal blogs + diaries etc where I would literally implode if I had no means of expressing my feelings in words. I suppose that by writing it keeps me sane from having all my thoughts haunting my brain and that somehow, I can actually get on with my life.

Have you ever experienced those times when life just feels so great at one second and then everything appears to be tumbling out of control the next? Lately, life feels just about like that. From finishing on a high for the last day of uni, I got home wrote up on how I felt, feeling all that lifted and crushed me throughout the year had helped me become the person I am today. And yet, for some reason, my positive outlook was dimmed by many things, namely the Qantas grounding of its fleet since that situation hits home hard. And then this morning, I woke up to the uncomfortable heat and in other ways, feeling somewhat lethargic and greatly annoyed by every fucking thing. Then I went on facebook, had a bit of an argument with someone who supports Alan Joyce's payrise...and in thinking that, I reckon that person needs a bit of a kick in the head for some common sense. His argument made no damn sense and it was rather hard to resist writing, "LMAO' in response to some of his statements because they were truly that much of a joke.

Nevertheless, I am hankering for my exams to be over. As I look back towards the semester, what was most stressful of all subjects was honestly Functional Musculoskeletal Anatomy B a.k.a FMB. It is seriously one of the most strenuous subjects requiring a lot of brain power. From remembering muscle actions, attachments, innervations of each goddamn muscle to learning ligaments and what each muscle does not do...how it contributes to stability via what mechanism. This subject can drive you crazy. I recall feeling somewhat disillusioned as I learned anatomy A in first semester. I thought the subject was incredibly difficult where we had to learn the muscles of the entire upper limb. Little did I know that upon looking back on that from semester 2, FMA would've been so freaking easy to ace. We're doing everything else except for the upper limb in FMB, go figure. And take into account how many muscles there are in the body and you get serious head implosions. I've heard that anatomy is the worst part in any medical student's schooling and you know what, it is true. It is truly laborious to learn and if you cannot remember where it attaches or what nerve innervates that muscle, say hello to the void.

The holidays after exams are gonna be good I suppose. I will be working at a major stationery store in the city so lonely commutes will be inevitable. The year will be ending soon. 2011, what a year you have been. I've done so much and met so many new people. I've moved on from some things that clouded my mind in 2010 yet gained new problems as I struggle to find the real me and understand what my purpose in life is. I still don't know what I want despite engaging in physiotherapy studies...I wonder how many souls out there are just as lost as I am. And in it all, I haven't accomplished what I had resolved to do in 2011 as of yet and it is highly unlikely that I will. My aspirations are perhaps too high rendering me incapable of achieving what I want. But I guess there is nothing to do in the meantime and what can you do? Ah, just hope for the best..that maybe one day things will become clearer.

I am getting lost in my own thoughts and hence, my reasoning above will probably make no sense to anyone else but myself. Whatever. I shall go study more anatomy now...and wonder what life would be if I was never as shy as I was myself or as afraid.

Cunt

2011-10-29T19:09:00.003+11:00

Oh Alan Joyce. Why are you such a cunt?
Don't you know it gets fucking tiring in being a cunt? Why must you further your position as a cunt more?
Oh Alan Joyce.
Suck my dick.
You are a massive fuckwit.
I think we may need to rebuke your Australian citizenship. Don't think many people like you anymore. Ho fucking Hum.

Fashun

2011-10-27T22:14:00.000+11:00

I fucking hate colour blocking.

Sooner or Later

2011-10-24T21:25:00.001+11:00

Let's see where we are now. Oh, week 13 of semester 2? You mean stuvac is next week? Oh dear lord, your exams are coming up very soon aren't they?

Indeed my exams are coming up soon. Bizarre how 13 weeks just goes by like that. To be honest, sem 2 actually didn't feel too bad despite the increased learning content of pretty much everything that we did. But I suppose when you get to know more of the people in your course and generally start to hang out more and more, those epic long breaks that you may or may not have feared do fly by pretty easily. Unlike last sem where I always feared my 3 hour break on Wednesdays, these days I relish my 4 hour breaks and even more. Before we started madly studying for exams, we just hung out in the sun, doing nothing but talking and just having general fun and I surely enjoyed it all. Things have surely uplifted since I started university in March...I may or may not love uni. (sans the exams)

I made a pledge on twitter in September that I will make friends with HWG some way or another. Unfortunately, being the last week of university, I doubt anything will manifest from those brief awkward moments where we walk past each other. Kinda speaks volumes about me...where I'm just very damn awkward and just a girl...shy. Ah...he is honestly one very good looking boy and it sucks that I never got the chance to know him when he was actually in my practical class. Lost chances....well...meh. =\

Heartlines.

2011-10-23T13:39:00.002+11:00

I adore Florence + the Machine's newest album, 'Ceremonials'. It is so good that I am going to physically buy a copy from JB Hi-Fi once it is actually released. The tracks I have been listening to online have really made my heart swoon. It's been so long since I have heard something as moving as her music. Not even Coldplay's latest 'Mylo Xyloto' can compare.

My current favourites from the album are: Heartlines, No Light, No light and Breaking Down.

Massive love for Flo.

Can you read my mind?

2011-10-13T10:16:00.002+11:00

Sometimes when you want something to occur ever so badly, it never does. It always ends up being a disappointment. But I find that when you actually don't think too much about what you want to happen, something will happen out of the blue. It's a matter of ridding those thoughts from the mind that maybe something will potentially catch you unawares.

I'm not making any sense here I guess.

The weather has been odd lately. Mid spring and yet we haven't gotten many days of sunny weather. As I type this post in the health sciences library, it's basically overcast. There are rare patches of blue in between yet the sky is pretty much just grey. It is certainly odd for Sydney to be experiencing such weather but whatever.

Things haven't been entirely ideal lately. I feel like I am trying so hard to pick everything back up. Sometimes things change and you have no control over anything, no matter how hard you try. That's what sucks the most, when trying doesn't give anything in return. I'm ready to step into 2012, I would like 2011 to be over already. Or maybe take me back to the first half of the year.

Travel Photos

2011-09-30T16:10:00.002+10:00

Discovered the joys of editing photos in photoshop.... These are just some of the shots I've been editing, they're not perfect, but they're what I saw on my travels.

Changes

2011-09-08T21:11:00.003+10:00

September already. Incredible isn't it?

In 2010, September was signalling the end of an era and there were times when everything felt mucked up, messy and nerves were all that were present.

What's truly odd is when I see people from high school now......most of them whom I've not seen since graduation. I feel like they're people I don't know anymore and what's weirder is that I used to see them all the time at school, perhaps even say a hello or two and engage in small talk. And those whom I never see at all but only through photos on facebook and all the like...well, their familiar faces have turned into stranger's faces. I guess time does get you down a bit and the rapid progression of this year has really shifted things.

Sometimes I do think about school when I look back at photos. What I truly miss are those small little times that go unappreciated but once you're out of schooling, you'll never have them again. Like how we stood in front of the drama shed, waiting for our names to be marked off then boarding the bus. Like how we thought we were such adults for making it to year 12 but little did we know that we were still exceptionally naive (and still naive to this very day).

Normality has changed even more. As much as I wish to see my high school friends everyday, it's now my uni friends whom I see everyday. Nothing wrong with that, but that has actually become the norm. 'How much have I changed in high school?', I ask myself. And the answer is ... quite a bit. High school was a rite of passage but through uni, I think I am discovering and finding new things about myself.

And I remember thinking a few weeks ago....that now really feels like 2011. The sentimental side of me keeps me in 2010 for the first half of the year where I lament over everything good that had happened in the last year. But upon a series of thinking and just reflecting, I feel like I can ultimately let those memories rest and linger inside a space in my cerebral cortex which I have closed off. Maybe I'll let these memories flow in sometimes but they're only the past and there's nothing I can do to either change or experience these again.

2011 has been good, despite my complaining. Here's to hoping that I live in 2011 and not travel back to 2010 for the rest of the year.

Codex

2011-08-28T22:29:00.005+10:00

My sister has been in Bathurst for around a week now. She won't be coming home till the end of the week and she's there for some rural pharmacy placement. What's strange is how I am pretty used to her absence. I suppose as you grow older, life kinda catches up. She's a legit adult now and I presume she has a pretty big life out of home. One day we'll all grow up and separate, lead separate lives etc. It's kinda scary to think about it that way because I have grown up with her all my life. But hey, guess that's what natural life progression is all about.

Above is an unfocused photo of what I had for breakfast. Well, I had a smoked salmon sandwich first and then finished it with mango + passionfruit yoghurt topped with some chopped strawberries. The yoghurt I had was of the 'Gippsland' brand...not too sure what it is but my oh my, their yoghurt is one of the creamiest and thickest I've ever had. The other day, I had some yoghurt from Westfield Pitt Street Mall. What appealed to me most about the yoghurt was how luscious the mango looked and thereby, I really wanted to eat it. The yoghurt was so disgusting, sour even and so despite paying around $6 for it, I chucked half of it away. Unbearable and utter shite. Nevertheless, I shall bail. August is ending soon.....it's kinda odd and strange.

Lethargy

2011-08-15T18:34:00.002+10:00

I don't know why but on this particular day I don't feel like doing anything. I wrote a lot of notes up at uni and now that I am home, all I want to do is just be lazy and do no jack shit whatosever. I am so fucking lazy right now.

I had a coffee at uni today...perhaps my coffee kick is wearing off and now I don't have the motivation to complete any of my notes despite knowing that I have shitloads to go through. Uni is seriously screwing my brain and I am so fucking tired everyday. Why did I anticipate uni? HSC was so easy...I miss maths. Eh.

Anyway, I think I will try to do something to make use of time. I want better marks >.>

So Cut

2011-08-05T22:09:00.003+10:00

Today was a pretty depressing day at uni. Well first up we had our anatomy pract class where we sat in our usual groups. Last week we had two Caucasian girls sitting on our table and they were both nice I suppose. But this week....we involuntarily formed our own token Asian table i.e. the girls ditched us for other smaller groups. It's like...all the Asians get shoved into one group whilst the majority of Caucasian decent just simply clumped together.

My pract group felt pretty sad. We didn't think we were really that Asian, in fact, we weren't even fob. But for some reason, it made us feel like fobs and that we were just 'The Asians'. I don't even know why there is some segregation amongst people. What's even more weirder is that when I look through my facebook friends list, the majority of my friends are of Asian decent. There's nothing wrong with that but I just feel like multiculturalism is kinda...non-existent in my circle. Ah well? Not happy.

Tumblr

2011-07-27T19:50:00.002+10:00

My blogspot has been rather dry as of late and that's because I've converted to tumblr.

I think it's time to leave this blog for good. High school's over and now I'm 18.

http://lisbonoh.tumblr.com/

Bon Iver blog URLs. Please don't sue me Justin Vernon.

Drip away

2011-07-22T01:50:00.004+10:00

It's pouring rain outside right now. Or at least it seems to be outside from my room. My roof of my room is apparently of a different making to the rest of my house and thereby, whenever it rains, it's particularly loud in my sector. But I love it, I love hearing the incessant pitter patter throughout the night and the occasional car that skids across the slippery roads. The wet, being ever so unpleasant when caught in it as suggested by many, is always beautiful to listen to and observe when inside.

I personally love being caught in rain, not the heavy type but the moderate type. I love it even more when I can feel droplets falling onto my coat or even when they're attacking my umbrella so fiercely. I don't even mind it when I get moderately wet hair or anything, it's part of the charm of the rain.

Many people have questioned as to why I love the rain. They think I am out of my mind for loving what they call dreary and miserable weather. I don't view it that way, I think its rather cathartic and melancholy in the most romantic and beautiful sense. I didn't love the rain as much before and I only grew to love it when I was caught in so many episodes of rainfall in London when I visited, earlier this year. The locals are indifferent to the rain, with many preferring to wear their beanies bound tight to their heads, only reaching for the umbrella for refuge when there is a deluge. They walk ever so nonchalantly in the cobbled streets of London against the backdrop of magnificent buildings that are just simply admirable. It's a very romantic atmosphere there or at least what I had experienced. The rain was just everywhere, pouring onto the streets all the time and walking through it, being all cold and wet, it really didn't matter at all. I was in London....living life in the rain...

I wish I had the words to describe what I feel with the rain now. However, before you think I am insane, let me remind you that I do love good weather as well. But rain is at its core always more and more beautiful than sunshine.

the edge of something final we call life

2011-07-21T12:29:00.003+10:00

another shot before we kiss the other side, tonight yeah baby.

for some reason, this song is all i want to listen to now.

time flies. and i feel like sometimes, i am running out of words to say.

do you think that maybe we have a set number of words we can say in our lifetime?

that you stop talking when the time is right? that the time is ultimately death?

i don't know. but today, i don't feel any different.

this is pouring rain, this is paralysed

its pouring outside right now. cold and wet, every Australian's nightmare.

this weather takes me back to london. i wish i was there.

such a beautiful city.

to the edge with you

2011-07-20T19:24:00.004+10:00

I've been meaning to blog but I always find myself retreating away from it because I simply don't have much to blog about as a matter of fact. I saw HP7Pt2 and Transformers 3 on Monday with the former being pretty good and the latter just simply a showcase of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's ass and boobs. I loved Bumblebee and Optimus Prime as always...and that was pretty much it. Such Pro-Americana ideals showcased in that film though. But Harry Potter was awesome, quite hilarious at some points but overall, bittersweet.

The UMAT is so soon...in just a week I'll have finished the paper and anticipating the next day of university. I'm feeling nervous, like I had felt last year. I did a practice paper and it wasn't the best, still as challenging as ever. It seems as though I just lack that kind of intelligence, the intelligence to deduce stuff and problem solve. It has always been my weakest point...maybe that's saying a lot about myself actually. I hope I can do it this time round, scoring a high percentile...but in the event that I don't, I'll be prepared to face and accept it.

I can't believe uni is so soon. I like bludging around, doing nothing... Despite that, my brain has gone a bit stale to say the very least. And oh yes...my uni results were posted in the mail today for me to receive. I hope semester 2 will bring out the best in me. My first ever semester of uni was high at times yet there were low times too. I hope I can implement what I've learnt for the better in pursue of better grades. I need better organisation as well...all in all, I need to become what I was during my last year of high school. Now that was pretty swell.

And I'm 18 soon. Like in less than 2 hours.

But whatever.

Is it time for a new blog? I'm ready to leave this one behind.

Joseph Gordon - Levitt

2011-07-15T22:53:00.002+10:00

It was immensely difficult screen capping 500 Days of Summer. Tell me, how do you screen cap EVERYTHING when JGL is so handsome in every single shot? Might as well copy and paste the entire movie onto here. But damm.

Where the stars bear down from their throne

2011-07-09T14:29:00.003+10:00

There were letters unopened at the foot of my bed
When I woke up with you in the morn
There were lions roaring on ships in the harbour
The night my true love was born

There’s a minstrel singing of the holy dove
On the mountain of old St Jerome
There is glass on the floor of the hallway I walk
When the stars bear down from their throne
And the old southern cross is shown
And it points down the sad road home
To the land of the bloody unknown

I heard that your mother took off in the fall
With her pretty curls and her wooden spoon
I heard you whispering to yourself last night
She’ll be coming home some day soon

Well the wine you drink is stained deep in your shirt
And just like the sin in my soul
It is never ever ever ever coming out
While the stars bear down from their throne
And the old southern cross is shown
And it points down the sad road home

To the land of the hunter dancing under the trigger
And the bride washing up on the shore
I could never really dance that well
I can’t raise the flags or ring them bells
But I can shoot my gun down the line towards my home
To the land of the bloody unknown

There’s a black dog watching over me in my sleep
And I stir just to toss him the bone
There’s a red moon rising on the hills tonight
Where the stars bear down from their throne
And the old southern cross is shown
And it points down the sad road home

As of late

2011-07-07T13:23:00.003+10:00

This post is going to be in dot-point form because I am way too lazy to compose anything of substantial length.

Went to see X-Men at George St Cinemas with uni friends yesterday. Twas an alright movie, quite gripping at some points and I pretty much spent half of the movie trying to figure out where I saw Hank Mccoy. He is Tony from Skins. I knew it.
Played pool after. I'm such a noob...only getting the hang of it when it was nearing the end of our session.
Also hung out with uni friends on Monday where we went up north to Chatswood for lunch at Makoto. Incredible food, painful for the wallet. After that, we visited my friend's place. Holy moly, amazing house indeed.
Been on a movie binge lately. Rewatched Lost in Translation, Music + Lyrics and The King's Speech. Other movies in line to watch: An Education, The Notebook, In the Mood for Love and The Departed. Also watched Infernal Affairs at my friend's place. why. did. i never. understand. the. hype. i. don't. even. know. What an AMAZING film. Ugh, seriously.
I've been lazing around and that's all. When uni starts I'll be unable to shift back into study habits....I am quite enjoying this sense of temporary freedom

I have nothing more to say. I'm quite lazy.

This is pouring rain, this is paralysed

2011-07-04T00:46:00.002+10:00

So lately, I've been incredibly engrossed with listening to Bon Iver and I love it. It's just incredibly relaxing and makes me feel alive again - ah yes, that's the power of music. I've always wanted a tattoo on my inner upper arm, not a sleeve, just something small and understated - like a phrase. Bon Iver's giving me so many ideas and I have fallen in love with the titling of the song, 're:stacks'. I'm sure it'll look nice there but they say that you should only get something tattooed when it means something to you because it will be there for the rest of your entire life. It doesn't really mean anything of utmost importance to me except for the fact I love it for aesthetic reasons and that its pretty much one of my favourite Bon Iver songs next to 'Holocene'.

Also, I'm pretty sure my Asian mother would absolutely detest it if I had got a tattoo. I think its some sort of Asian taboo or perhaps there are negative connotations associated with a tattoo. In Hong Kong culture, only the 'badies' get tattoos and I think my mum doesn't want me to look like one. However, I have decided to get one...though perhaps not in the near future...maybe when I get married or something (but that's not gonna happen in a while since I repel people) so that my mum won't see. HAHAHA. And then for some reason she finds out I have a tattoo....I sincerely hope she doesn't freak out. Anyway. The point of this post is that I really want a pretty two word + simple tattoo in a nice font.

Blood by The Middle East

2011-07-02T13:42:00.001+10:00

Long overdue video of Blood by The Middle East at the Factory Theatre.

I suppose you can hear my hushing and 'oh my gosh'-ing in the vid.

The reason for this was that it was hard to keep quiet and sane whilst they were playing such an amazing song.

Hunter Valley

2011-06-30T15:56:00.003+10:00

Hunter Valley with uni mates.

27th to 29th June 2011

The arrival of Holidays

2011-06-26T19:08:00.004+10:00

These few days have been quite fun. It's the end of semester and the beginning of a month long holiday which is always the best. I finished my exams on Thursday at the ungodly hour of 6:00pm. I had two that day, one from 9:00 - 11:00am and the other 4:30pm to 6:00pm. Some friends of mine finished earlier since they were allocated times that were way earlier for the practical spot test. After exams, we went out as a uni group to Newtown to have Thai food. It was pleasant and my friend Cecilia tagged along. And after that, Cecilia and I went to see The Middle East at the Factory Theatre.

The Middle East were absolutely amazing live. The set was at its absolute minimum with barely any light or theatrics for the show but simply a few differently coloured lights and the band themselves. It was incredibly understated and there was nothing to focus on but the music itself. It was an intimate show, since it was at The Factory Theatre and the band sounded incredible live. They have such glorious vocal harmonies and are so talented at what they do. I've never actually been to an acoustically oriented concert and I thoroughly enjoyed the lack of moshing - pleasant. You know the band is exceptional when at the quietest and softest does no-one ever enunciate a word. That was with all the songs, nobody said a word. For a band to come out of Australia and in particular Townsville, The Middle East has a sound that is nothing short of worldly, ambitious and melodic. I have nothing but praise for such a young band and I sincerely hope they sell out shows at bigger venues like the Hordern in the very near future. And hearing the song 'Blood' live was one of the more memorable experiences. Will never forget that.

I went to my friend's 18th last night. I've never been to a house party in the garden so this was an interesting experience. I wasn't planning on drinking but the partying atmosphere was hard to resist and so I succumbed to having a few drinks. Ah, also had my first Smirnoff shot and that was quite horrible...Though I also had a shot of Malibu and another that was blue and very delicious. I topped that up with two beers. Being an inexperienced drinker, having so much alcohol for the very first time was rather confronting but luckily, I knew my limits and did not have another shot despite being coerced by friends who love shots... Haha, I was on the edge of tipsy/drunk-ish and to me, that was the most fun of all. I now understand why my dear friend Vivien has a long lasting love affair with alcohol... everything seems way funnier and you lose all your inhibitions and do whatever the fuck you want. And I'll be 18 soon anyway and I had achieved a rather shame aim of mine in my 'things to do in life' list....and that was to get tipsy/drunk when underage. One to cross out on the list. I'm really sober now though.

And at once I knew, I was not magnificent.

2011-06-24T01:55:00.004+10:00

My exams are over.

I went to see The Middle East at the Factory Theatre. Shit venue but amazing music. More on that later. But for the time being I am incredibly obsessed with such bands:

Bon Iver
The National
Wu Lyf

Afraid of Everyone

2011-06-20T00:44:00.006+10:00

So, due to my procrastination, I've been looking at people's facebooks. I refresh my feed and see one of my friends, whom I met with 2006, having been separated from her boyfriend... And I looked over to her page and could not believe that it's been 5 years since I first met her. It's funny what time does to your friendships with people.

I met this girl at cadets and I used to be close to her, she being two grades above me. I can still recall when I first got MySpace, it was all new and she was the first ones whom I added and talked to. We had many conversations on the site and I always had looked forward to chatting with her and very quickly, we became really good friends. Sometimes I do regret deleting my myspace, only because there were so many memories which I have there and now I can never go back to retrieve as they have become virtual junk. But nevertheless, time acted, she discovered drugs and partying and we lost touch, her being the first one to leave cadets...

It's rather frightening to look back now and see how fast she has become a stranger to me now. I miss her friendship dearly but I do believe that our friendship cannot go anywhere beyond facebook. I did try to 'catch up' with her once but that never occurred for I think she is one who moves on with friendships. I feel like I am talking about a relationship here but fear not...

I wonder what friendships I will still have in five years time. Will those close to me now drift away from me and will I have a new set of friends? I certainly hope the ones I have close to me remain here for I cannot bear the thought of seeing any of them as strangers down the track.

I guess its the nature of some people though. If you try to maintain a friendship, it will work. But some people, when they meet new people and discover more, they just...forget... So, how many friends have I lost over time? Many. And here arises another trouble. I do miss some of my friends....yet I am always so afraid of seeming annoying to them...for they appear to have a much 'larger' life of their own, or it seems as though they just inhabit a different world. It's late and I am not making much sense. Ugh.

Go Tell Fire To The Mountain

2011-06-18T14:59:00.002+10:00

Best release of 2011 so far.
Solid songs, amazing guitars.
Strange voice which makes for an incredibly unique listening experience.
Lovin' Wu Lyf.

Gen Y Australians.

2011-06-12T15:45:00.003+10:00

So I was just browsing on facebook and my friend liked a page, 'God made us all different. But when he got to China he thought 'Fuck it'' which I thought was pretty funny initially cause yeah, perhaps a lot of Chinese people do look the same. I was curious and thereby proceeded to have a look at the comments on the page. To my absolute disgust and horror, I see posts accusing Chinese people of supposedly taking away Australian's jobs and how they should 'get out of the country'. I tend to take a light hearted approach on these facebook pages but the page reveals so much of Australia's current mentality.

Racism is still big and there seems to be no turning back on it. What is more worrying is that the majority liking the page are Gen Y, my generation. I had thought that racism was closing in on my generation but clearly I have thought wrong. I am absolutely disgusted and angered by much of the posts on there. Is it necessary to accuse a race of something that is completely out of control? That we're taking your jobs, that we're flooding your cities. Australia is a multicultural society, CLICHE BUT THAT'S WHAT OUR SOCIETY IS. DO YOU THINK THAT WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS THE WORKFORCE WILL BE AS OKAY AS IT IS NOW? DO YOU THINK THAT WITHOUT IMMIGRANTS THAT YOU CAN EAT ALL THAT FOOD THAT YOU LOVE? ALL THE INDIAN CUISINE, ALL THAT HONEY CHICKEN?

I will copy and paste some of the most hateful comments here because they are disgusting:

Alan: fucking slant eyed wide screen seeing mothafuckas
Aaron: fuck the gooks
Brodie: The MotherFukerz Are Taking Over The World, Asian Invasion

And there is one dude who posted an argument on how Asians were taking Aussie jobs...but I think he deleted it because he realised how disgusting his argument was.

It's disappointing and saddening to see that the bigotry stemming from previous generations are still carried on. And that's why last year's study of belonging was actually highly relevant to me. How can you expect a girl of evident Asian heritage to embrace being 'Australian'? Despite being an Australian citizen, I've always had conflicts whether I am truly an Australian or just Chinese. I'm too afraid to spot an Australian flag because my skin colour isn't of a white colour. Even on Australia Day, I do nothing. I sit at home like its another public holiday though I do wish it was possible to chill like everyone else. I don't know, I must be sounding quite weird here... But sometimes, I do believe that Australia Day creates boundaries amongst races. Would an Asian person spotting temporary Australian flag tattoos not get yelled at?

Despite that, some do have consciences. I hope that people who are posting racist comments are only part of the minority.

Harry: Reported this page for racism, encouraging other people with a conscience to do the same.

Gypsy and the Cat

2011-06-11T14:16:00.005+10:00

Running Romeo - Gypsy and the Cat at Apple Store Bondi

Time to Wander - Gypsy and the Cat

I saw Gypsy and the Cat yesterday at the Apple Store...I was initially reluctant in going since it is before exams. But heck, I realised that it would be quite an intimate gig and probably be the last chance seeing them before they jet off to the rest of the world. I wasn't wrong with it being a really intimate gig...there was probably no more than 100 people in the store...perhaps even less - it felt that way anyway. I was really close to the lead singer, Xavier Bacash and right next to the speakers. Despite having the music thump into my ears repetitively for around an hour or so, it was so worth it. I could feel the amazing bass pulsate through my veins (or arteries)

Gypsy and the Cat is a really good live band, they sound even better live actually. The gig was by far the most harmonious ones I've ever been to, perhaps due to there being only 100 people or less. No pushing, no hot hot sweat nor were there any assholes around me. It was a short set though...around 45 minutes long, but what more can you ask for when it's a free gig? Uhuh. I'm very pleased that I went. So worth missing an evening's worth of study time for! What's more was that I even got to say hi to the band and get their signatures. Aw yeah.

Hungry

2011-06-08T22:48:00.004+10:00

I've not heard about this computer virus until today: Stuxnet.

Incredible isn't it? It is a weapon of mass destruction. It can take out a whole factory, a whole nuclear reactor.

Any one can use it and its pretty much an open source weapon written entirely in code.

Watching 'Hungry Beast' has really taught me a lot about the world which I don't know about. And every week, there is something to do with current communication technologies and how fast computers are advancing and how close we are to reaching 'The Singularity'. I never really thought too much of technology until their presentation...computers have essentially incorporated most of mankind's knowledge in their short existence. It is only a matter of time when they start mimicking us, evolving till one day, computer intelligence superseeds ours. Apparently, we cannot foresee what will happen when computers become smarter since...we cannot be smarter than them. It's just impossible. Ugh, this may all sound like science fiction but the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. Or perhaps we can call it the eventual truth.

The future is just so exciting but incredibly frightening. Mankind would be devastated if we were to become slaves of the computer. It's like we created a new race (and thus, stems into the Frankenstein/Blade Runner Module). But yes...just a thought at how the 21st Century is unfolding. The universe is simply amazing and getting more and more complicated. Everything about it, from the big bang to our eventual creation, to how gravity assembled us and how we are only made of stardust. Doesn't that just blow your mind? It all sounds too surreal and too strange. I thought I had my queries answered from year 10 science class where I mindnumbingly watched documentaries showing the creation of the universe. But what is space? What the hell is time? Where did all this come from? HOW IS THERE SPACE. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? I DON'T KNOW THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR MY BRAIN BUT I WANT TO KNOW ANSWERS. TOO MANY QUESTIONS, NOT ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE. SCIENCE IS BLOWING MY MIND. SCIENCE IS STRANGE. THE TRUTH DOESN'T SEEM REAL. THIS IS ALL TOO WEIRD.

(but I love science)

L’esprit d’escalier

2011-06-05T15:44:00.002+10:00

the spirit of the staircase.

if only our winters were like this.

Carbon Taxes + Cate Blanchett

2011-05-29T19:05:00.003+10:00

In light of the whole Cate Blanchett controversy with regard to her support for Carbon Tax, I was just thinking about both sides of the argument and found myself caught between two ideals. There is no denying that carbon pollution is a great problem in our 21st Century society and putting a price on carbon is something that needs to be done in some way or another. Despite that, and even though I am not usually one who'll consider Liberal's ideals, I thought about the repercussions of implementing this tax upon normal lower/middle class Australians.

It seems to me that the green movement is very much alive in the younger generation, or if I can rephrase, my generation. I keep receiving facebook invitations from a green activist girl (who is studying law due to her undying passions for human rights + the environment and which I once offended for saying, 'BLAH HUMAN RIGHTS!') telling me to 'SAY YES' to the carbon tax. Her passion for such a cause is admirable and I understand why some people of my age are taking such a stance upon the implementation of the carbon tax. We were educated in school about the pumping of carbon into the atmosphere, we learnt all about the thinning of the ozone layer, we learnt all about global warming....it all stems from our increased awareness and being global citizens, it is rightful for us to stand up for such a cause. If we do want to see a better future, us - as the future of tomorrow, we have to stand up and take initiative to stop the excessive pumping of carbon into the atmosphere. I understand it.

However, as I stand on the other side of the spectrum, from those who are totally against the carbon tax, I can similarly empathise. Apparently, the standard of living in Australia is one of the highest in the world. And despite not citing any sources from my allegation, I do agree. I visited London and was astounded at how comparably cheap their produces were and what incredible benefits they have...not to mention their brilliant health care system, one which trumps the Australian healthcare system by miles. Despite that, London transportation will never be as cheap as Sydney's. It is an incredible expense that one... Okay, getting off track. What I really want to say is that the standard of living is on the rise in Australia. Everything is getting pricier. To put it safe, it's not cheap being Australian when compared to other countries. Taxes are high as well - and do you all remember when Howard said there won't be any WHATSOEVER of the Goods + Services Tax? And yet we still saw its implementation and Australians have been paying such a tax ever since. I'm sure that even if you've not been watching those shitty current affair shows, that you must know that electricity bills, water bills etc are on the rise. Not to mention that the supermarkets in Australia basically operate under a duopoly so the big ones out there can charge you for whatever they want. The toll upon normal lower - middle class Australians will be huge if they must implement another tax. There has already been a flood tax - one that I'm not opposed to since, well, it is justified.

Apparently, Gen Y will become a generation renting houses. As I see the prices on the market, I get a little scared cause they are so ridiculously high and I am afraid I won't be able to afford housing in the future. And with the onslaught of taxes - well maybe because we're Gen Y that we won't feel the repercussions of this tax on our wages yet, since most of us are not working full time and still living with parents. But I think we'll feel the burden once we start working, once we start repaying our HECS, once we need to pay taxes, once we start paying the bills ourselves...Will we still be living as we are today?

If I'm economically incorrect in any of my paragraphs, please forgive me.

I've never studied any of that.

But this is just how I see it.

That's why I'm caught between two ideals.

End of May Playlist

2011-05-29T18:35:00.002+10:00

Houdini - Foster the People
Heavy Metal Lover - Lady Gaga
Calgary - Bon Iver
House - Patrick Wolf
Bounce - Calvin Harris
Turn Me On - The Grates
Slow Motion - Little Red
Time + Place - Last Dinosaurs

Perhaps

2011-05-28T22:23:00.002+10:00

Perhaps the wide phenomenon known as the bitch face is pretty common.

I took the train with my uni mates as we finished our tute yesterday. We got onto the train and being quite tired, I didn't totally engage in much of a conversation, preferring to look at a pole and relax my facial muscles. Smiling all the time is way too tiring and from presenting a speech yesterday, I think my muscles deserved a break after all that.

Anyway, as I was gazing into the distance, perhaps being stuck in a daze or simply daydreaming, one of the girls suddenly asks me, 'is your face always like that?'

I always suspected that I probably do have the bitch face on, even when I'm not particularly annoyed or something but her question affirmed everything, I do have a bitch face. And then she proceeded to say, 'you look as if you're death staring the pole'. I wasn't. But I was tired. And I was bored so I just looked at a place where my eyes could take a rest.

So I know now...my facial muscles, when they're relaxed, cause my face to become a bitch face.

Honestly speaking though, I'd rather have a bitch face when I'm relaxed...so that people won't come to talk to me and also, I may look as if though I am busy and that I have a lot of important things to do....or what not. So yeah, having a bitch face is not a bad thing methinks. I think its funny. Now I can stare down and intimidate people. Fuck yes.

the good old days, the honest man.

2011-05-28T17:03:00.002+10:00

a subtle kiss that noone sees
a broken wrist and a big trapeze
oh well, i don't mind if you don't mind
cause i don't shine if you don't shine
before you go, can you read my mind?

its funny how you just break down, waiting on some sign
i'll pull up to the front of your driveway, with magic soaking my spine
can you read my mind?

Someday

2011-05-26T00:33:00.002+10:00

Someday, I reckon I will become one of those who will end up going to concerts themselves. It's rather disappointing to know that I don't have those friends who share an ultimate musical compatibility but uh wells. I kinda do feel inclined to make friends at concerts but bloody hell, how do you do that? Just walk up to them and say, 'hey let's be friends cause I want to have gig going buddies'.
I think I'm assimilating...actually not sure if that's the right word or not but music is growing on me and I am becoming a bigger fan of music everyday. All I want to is go to gigs instead of everything else like the movies or what not. And when I'm 18, I winder if gigging will be my main preoccupation rather than pubbing.
All in all, the point of this post is that I love listening to music.
Perhaps it can be regarded as one of my hobbies.
Second favourite thing is collecting music by buying cheap CDs from jb hi fi. Yeah man.
Anyhow.
I have this friend whom I am totally confused about. We've been friends since forever but our friendship fluctuates. We talk a lot for a while and then stop suddenly. It's weird like that with him. Anyhow, we've been talking again lately but he suddenly stopped responding. Not only do I feel keen but I also feel fucking dumb. I was purely being friendly cause I value him highly as my friend yet he just fluctuates all the fucking time. It's fucking annoying. Either be consistent friends win me or get the fuck out. I'm only this annoyed because I truly miss his friendship and himself...

Stalking

2011-05-23T23:00:00.002+10:00

So...after all these weeks at uni, I had a look around my body systems practical class...and found out that there was one insanely good looking guy in my class. I've been obsessed with finding out his name ever since...far out. It is so hard to 'stalk' him because I do NOT know his name nor the names of his friends either. That makes everything so much more difficult.

All I know is that he does two of my subjects and is probably doing a Bachelor of Health Sciences ... maybe. Goodness, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? Gah...Sem is already coming to an end too. I need to find out his name desperately... I can't ask either cause that's just weird.

I will not be satisfied until I learn this hot guy's name and thereby proceed to stalk him on facebook. The thing is, I have followed on the train once already....but I got off at Redfern whilst he continued on to...well, I have no idea.

But darn it, I need to know who this guy is.

DAMMMMM. Hottest guy on campus (to me at least =\ )

Her name is Jona, Jona Vark

2011-05-21T23:25:00.003+10:00

Gypsy and the Cat video's from their show at the Metro last night are starting to show up online. I can't help but feel quite if not incredibly jealous of those who were lucky enough to have gone. I had bought tickets intending to go despite my age however, upon reconsidering, I was nervous and scared and ultimately, had to give them up to some other lucky person. Yet funnily enough, I have instead made friends with the girl I sold the tickets to!

Ugh, I really wish I had been able to attend the concert cause it looked amazing. Though hopefully, they'll tour again very soon so that I'd be able to go to their concert...And when they do next time, I'll be way over the age limit. Goodness, sometimes I do hate my birthday. Anyway, I wonder if the friend I told to go actually did or not. I hope he did as it seemed as though it was an amazing show and him being a fan of them...well, I sure hope he didn't miss out. Perhaps he did not either. Meh, I wouldn't have any clue.

Jona Vark - Gypsy and the Cat

Running Romeo - Gypsy and the Cat

I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

2011-05-18T22:28:00.005+10:00

Tonight I am feeling the blues. Things are playing up and I don't know what to do. Perhaps the best way to sum up what I'm feeling is - losing touch. I'm losing touch with life, with friendships, with the people I care about the most and most of all, myself. I don't know who I am or what I want. And here's a song that I love - Black Eyed Peas' Just Can't Get Enough. I suppose what made me fall head over heels for this tune is the music video. The paradox of Tokyo, chaos and utter isolation simultaneously is captured perfectly here. Sometimes life feels like that. You're looking from the outside where there is people everywhere yet really, you feel like you're the only person in the world...

Things don't make any sense do they?

Practical Class

2011-05-17T15:05:00.002+10:00

I had an anatomy laboratory class today of the renal systems which was quite interesting. Got to take a look at cadavers again...and also, the genitalia of females and males. Yup.

Anyway, the point of this post is not about the practical class itself but what happened towards the end of the class. So we were looking at the cadavers pretty intently, my tutor explaining everything about the renal system. Suddenly, to my right, a cry is let out by a girl and she slumps to the floor - or perhaps, falls limp. My classmates and I stand away from her, trying to let her have enough space as possible. I thought she fainted but as I looked at her face, she stared at me blankly while her limbs jerked convulsively. She had a seizure. Her seizure didn't last for so long however but it was certainly quite frightening as this was the first time I had seen someone experience a seizure.

What I didn't like about my reaction was that despite my first aid training, I did not know how to act on the spot. I wish I could have helped her but conveniently, the girl slumped to the recovery position and didn't appear to be biting anything dangerous. I think I was in such a rude shock that I just stood there, clutching my anatomy notes and looked on helplessly. Time to brush up on my first aid...

Hearts on Fire

2011-05-16T22:06:00.009+10:00

So...it's been a while since I've last blogged and yeah, I've become rather lazy. Been pretty caught up since uni started again...well, two weeks ago and the content just never stops does it? Far out.

In the meantime however, I went to Cut Copy's concert at the Enmore Theatre last Thursday. Cut Copy were great, as always and this marks the second time I've seen them live so I knew what they were like. The Enmore was not divided into two floors [which was ideal] so I was lucky enough to get close to the stage. However, my main complaint must be the incredibly DEAD mosh pit. I wasn't even far behind and NOBODY danced, NOBODY moshed, everyone was just probably a bit too stoic for my liking. Come on guys! This is Cut Copy. It's only right if you dance at Cut Copy since their music is perfect to dance to. I went all prepared as well, dressing for a sweaty moshpit on a cold night...and to my surprise, I only became remotely 'hot' towards the end of the concert when Cut Copy belted out their hits e.g. Lights + Music & Hearts on Fire. There was plenty of space around me, so many more people could have fit there. It was just so darn odd to be amongst people who were reluctant to mosh and definitely a huge difference from the crazy concerts I've attended in the past ala Muse, Phoenix and MGMT.

Nevertheless, Cut Copy had amazing lighting at their show. I took many photos using my trusty iPhone and the pictures turned out to be pretty nice. And from not bringing my camera to Cut Copy in 2008 since I just wanted to mosh, I used my iPhone to film my favourite songs from the show. Yay! But....why did they not play 'Blink and You'll Miss a Revolution'?!?! That was quite disappointing. That's what I anticipated!!

Anyway, my highlights of the night were:

Take Me Over
Sun God
Hearts on Fire
So Haunted
Lights and Music

And the concert was pretty short: http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/cut-copy/2011/enmore-theatre-sydney-australia-73d3eae5.html :(

Only Saturdays from Bright Like Neon Love? What is this?!?! Where was Time Stands Still?!?!

Holy fuck, Melbourne got Feel the Love. I don't feel the Sydney love.

God only knows I've been here once before

2011-05-10T23:21:00.003+10:00

Visiting school again for the very first time in 6 months to do a presentation on behalf of USYD's health sciences faculty was quite surreal. It was bittersweet to step into the grounds of St George and talk to teachers as friends now yet everything aside, I realised that it's not school I miss but the memories themselves.

After surviving university for >9 weeks now, I suppose I have grown used to that routine. Seeing the year 12s doing what I did just a year ago is a bit odd to observe and yet nothing has changed in terms of competition between students. I cannot imagine doing the school routine over again, moving from class to class in 40 minute intervals and having a teacher to guide you through everything. I'm really used to lectures now and the concept of having to concentrate intensely so that you don't miss a point. Uni does teach you one thing - independence. So that's it, I don't miss school anymore but I'm not embracing uni either. Despite that, I feel content with the new routine I'm stuck in. I also am not sure if I still want to continue with physio either but 'whatever will be, will be'. Cliche. But hey, everything is a cliche. We're only human.

Farewell to the fairground, these rides aren't working anymore

2011-05-07T15:58:00.002+10:00

Sometimes, I know that friends are there to help you and to console you. I don't deny it but I am pretty irrational sometimes, unable to see past things and perhaps I'm quite stubborn too. I have this friend whom I know is nice to me and wants the very best for me. She cares, I know she does but sometimes, the words that come out of her either via mouth or most often by writing, they do cut. And the way that she looks at things is different to what I see and I can't help but wish she wouldn't force her thinking upon me and devalue what I value the most... It's happened quite a few times, she unknowingly does it and I try to ease my displeasure by passing off everything as a joke, laughing it off and using different words.

I'm going to a wedding tonight. I haven't been to one since May 09 and that was a nice one I spose. Actually, what was nice about it was the drive up to Terrey Hills. I downloaded Passion Pit's Manners that day, loaded it onto my iPod and listened to the album in whole as I stared out the window, watching the world past by. 'Swimming in the Flood' came on and I immediately fell in love in that song. Now I associate that time period with that song and that song does nothing but evoke glorious memories.

Commuting is lonely. I commute alone everyday...well, pretty much so. Despite that, I find most of my inspiration from these lonely commutes to the point that I based my HSC belonging narrative on a train ride in Tokyo - something I'll never forget. It's sometimes overwhelming to be there at the train station so early in the morning. Everyone in the carriage is falling asleep, not many words are spoken and the distances between strangers is so wide despite us being physically close to one another. As the train speeds through the tunnels, we move together one side or another, due to something about physics which I cannot be bothered to think of right now, we hit one another, say a soft spoken apology and keep on focusing whatever clouds our minds at the very moment. Trains are like carriages for dreams. So many different people there, so many unrealised or realised dreams, so many paths intertwining, crossing...you name it. It's a melting pot of different lives on the one train and at the end of it all, we leave to pursue our different paths. It scares me. I don't know why. Maybe its because I realise how big the world is.

Haunting

2011-04-30T19:38:00.002+10:00

Reading this while listening to Delphic's 'This Momentary' with scenes of the abandoned city Pripyat interposed is chilling. What are we going to do with Fukushima? Some say nuclear reactors are the only way out of our ever increasing consumption of electricity. I don't know what to do.

Famous angels never come through England

2011-04-30T15:53:00.005+10:00

The temperatures in Sydney have dropped dramatically, hovering around the 15 - 17 degrees Celsius mark and its starting to finally to feel as if we're heading into cooler weather. It's the last day of April - a rather shocking fact to realise. The past two months seemed like a whim and I really don't have much recollection as to what had happened but only a slight understanding that I was stuck in a routine. And as I think back to 2010, I don't remember much of it either. Perhaps its the effect of routine, once you immerse yourself fully into something that you do so laboriously, you start to lose yourself and forget about life on the outside.

I can still remember that day in London when we treaded to Buckingham Palace to witness the change of guard. The day was chilly, excessively so and despite wearing those thick winter jackets, nothing seemed to be able to keep me warm enough. It was terribly cold, even more so with the dribbling rain that never seemed to stop and regardless of what type of rain, the English don't seem to use umbrellas at all but only take refuge through their beanies and hats. Anyhow, we walked from Victoria Station to the gates of Buckingham Palace, shoving our way through the other eager tourists and somehow, found a spot by the gate. My hands were frozen and the leather gloves, which I had bought the day before, didn't seem to work as they were pretty wet themselves. Most of the ceremony of the change of guard was cancelled due to the weather which naturally, got us pretty disappointed from making the trek to Central London from the suburbs and exposed to the chilly weather. Nevertheless, we headed indoors to the Queen's gift shop and here we saw, merchandise celebrating the wedding of William and Kate. Upon seeing those ceramics that were beautifully decorated with their names and the date of their wedding, I scoffed to myself, thinking that their wedding was ages away. April! Dah, centuries away! And here we are, on the very last day of April, the Royal Wedding had already taken place and we are heading off into May. Time really does escape you sometimes.

Lisztomania, think less but see it grow.

2011-04-27T16:38:00.005+10:00

Edwin van Cleef - Lisztomania (feat. Jane Elizabeth Hanley) by Edwin van Cleef
Female vocals on a Phoenix cover? Genius.

Thoughts

2011-04-24T23:34:00.003+10:00

Eight weeks of university have flown by and here they are, the mid-sem breaks. The joy met with their arrival was celebrated by my uni mates by hosting an 'End of Mid-Sems' Outing to the city on Wednesday after our last exam, biomechanics. I suppose I did have fun though my wallet perhaps did not agree so. Appetito on The Rocks was the place and yes, what lovely furnishings and ambient lighting but asking $26.50 for a bowl of fettucine pasta is just ridiculous, though the price may be reflective of their location. Friday (gettin' down on...) was the group dinner to Sizzler at Kogarah. Oh dear old Kogarah, it's been a while. I ordered their filet steak mignon, since it looked pretty nice on the menu and so thereby, expected it to taste...somewhat different. The red wine jus complimented the beef well though the mignon tasted just like a steak - not worth the $29.95 I paid. Although I just did some research and wikipedia informed me that that cut of beef is usually the most tender and expensive. No wonder.

So uni has taught me many things (as it should) and I've grown to like Usyd. However, I don't think physiotherapy is really the course for me. I find myself much more interested and inclined to the study of body systems rather than the gross anatomy of the body, which is a key component to the study of physiotherapy. To change courses to medicine has been on my mind since day one of starting physio and my desire to do it has been stronger than ever. What physio has shown is only a segment of the human body and how it works and it renders itself to be more intriguing than ever, something that I really want to pursue and learn. I'm willing to undertake the torture known as the UMAT again in hope for a place in undergraduate medicine next year. And if I get in, I know it will be hard work, even more so than what physio is demanding of me but I believe that studying it will be a real privilege and I hope that that is what I am able to do in the very near future. Here starts the journey for medicine again...

Bondi

2011-04-23T11:55:00.004+10:00

Bondi Beach at Night
22/04/2011

Lovers in Japan

2011-04-21T12:33:00.007+10:00

You should be good.
how are you?

Dinner

2011-04-17T14:52:00.004+10:00

It was my turn to cook last night..

I really need to learn how to not use every single plate/bowl in the pantry.

Anyhow, after months of craving Eton Mess after having it for the first time in the UK, I finally made it. It was so delicious and I am pretty much addicted to it right now. It's probably one of the simplest desserts to make (you can whip it up in 10 minutes et voila!) and perhaps, one of the most scrumptious.

What I'm into lately.

2011-04-12T14:32:00.004+10:00

All images sourced from the sartorialist.

To buy:

- Hat

- better pair of combat boots; not those shitty ones from wittner

- long black chiffon skirt

- a nice coat

For death

2011-04-11T00:39:00.001+10:00

If today was my last day on earth, I'd be leaving the earth feeling though I've not lived but only experienced a static existence. In all my 17 years of mere life, I suppose many things have happened but amongst the highs there are the lows, filled with regrets that haunt me till the very day. How can one possibly live life without any regrets whatsoever? Those who have accomplished that, I commend you for being so brave - facing your fears and achieving what you have set to do so in this temporal life we lead.

I wonder why things are the way they are. Apparently, the years of being a young adult is when you're most vulnerable to lapsing into depression. I hardly find that surprising because these are the most crucial years that shape your outlooks and when your mind is most active and critical.

It must be widely stereotyped, but growing up as an Asian in a western culture has probably induced more problems within than if I were back in Hong Kong. You see aspects to many things and struggle to find the median balance - one where you'll experience harmony. I used to not think my parents as not the pushy Asian parent achieving types though recently have discovered they are perhaps no different to those stereotypically portrayed in the media. Education is important but I'm finding it to be something that I am losing touch with. Learning is interesting but I feel hat my passions lie elsewhere.

And death, why must you always intrigue me so? If I were to die tonight, I'd leave the world with regrets. Then I'd probably bid farewell thee and whisper, the second before I close my eyes, that my heart has more love than it really can contain. I love many people, but sometimes you really can't show it.
If reincarnation is real, I want to come back into this beautiful world as a bird...

In due time

2011-04-10T13:54:00.002+10:00

My procrastination has taken to new levels with me feeling an incredible itch to organise my next 18th birthday party. This was all catalysed by reading the Sun Herald where I found a review of the 'Hunky Dory Social Club' located in Paddington. The pictures were quite alluring, as it was a rooftop bar with overgrown shrubs - apparently, exuding a Manhattan atmosphere. And so began my interest in finding a bar to host my 18th party. I had initially wanted a 90s themed 18th, because I am in utter love with the 90s and am sometimes overly nostalgic for that era...but now, I just want to host it at a pretty rooftop bar. The Hunky Dory looks pretty nice though I am not sure how much that is going to cost me. I don't even know if I want it to be big either...or will it be just a girls thing or have just an amalgamation of shizzle. And holy shit, I'm looking at 'The Wine Suites' at Manly. Damn that place is beautiful. Aw man, The Winery at Gazebo is nice too.

Man, I have no freaking clue. I know I don't want a trashy party - wait no-one would want that anyway. I do want people to have fun though I don't want to blow my wallet. Oh what to do.

Screw that, MACCAS FTW

Whenever I fall at your feet.

2011-04-07T22:31:00.002+10:00

Crowded House's 'Fall at Your Feet' is perhaps one of the most beautiful and pure songs ever written. I really love Boy and Bear's very recent cover though it never can trump the original.

Anyhow, I feel like I've been very fickle with everything lately. My concentration has flown out the window and I find myself daydreaming a lot. I'm beginning to warm up to university although the thought of mid-semester exams is not exactly the type of thought that 'warms' my heart. Haha. The experience of university is strange to say the very least. I thought I'd grow to become one who'd favour university right from the beginning but right to my sentimental nature, I've not been one who has embraced university from the start. Getting back into routine is always good I suppose though there are it's ultimate downfalls where 24 hours a day never does seem quite enough.

The most amazing thing about uni though, is the amount of knowledge that you gain. It's only been 6 weeks but I feel like I have doubled the amount of knowledge that I had to begin with from the remnants of HSC. You really do most of your learning here and the human brain capacity continues to astound.

Can you believe Easter is on its way? I can still recall the very first time I went to the Easter show with friends...boy, that was fun. And so began the meeting of almost everyone in the grade. Bic Runga's Sway always reminds me of that time period c. 2006. Debbie and I were on a ride where we were situated on kite like structures, simulating the flight of birds or something or rather. Whilst we were up in the air, 'Sway' started to play and at that moment, I felt truly free and loved life to its core. Listening to this song always evokes that feeling.

2011-04-07T17:06:00.003+10:00

Watching vimeo really makes me want to enrol in a film making short course or something.

Muse Medley

2011-04-06T18:48:00.001+10:00

Awesome stuff.

Complex

2011-04-05T22:11:00.003+10:00

Sometimes I wish I was a genius, being able to understand all the complexities of science and be able to know why such and such occurs. The universe is an utterly amazing treasure, a place where nature continues to astound us with it's unpredictability. I watched a rather intriguing documentary on SBS tonight, talking about how small atoms can make such complicated things. Naturally, it was a physicist who presented this program, who delved into chaos theory and the butterfly effect. From the mere hour I watched it, I was unable to comprehend what it all meant properly but this was applied to how things were arranged in the world. And then evolution. What an amazing feat. Mathematical equations were plugged into a computer with simulations mimicking the processes of evolution, how natural selection has shaped humans today. It all comes down to something to do with chaos, how orderly yet drastically chaotic our universe is made.

I suppose I am not making any sense here because I myself don't really totally understand such complex physics but times like this, when the universe's intricacies are so intriguing, I just wish I had the genius.

Muddled

2011-04-03T15:54:00.002+10:00

This assertion may make me sound like a typical teenager but one of my favourite past times ever is listening to music. It is so cathartic and the incredible sparse guitar sounds or perhaps nauseating beats can bring you to an entirely different world. Music is associated with the emotional sensory area in the brain, an incredible feat if you think about it and thereby, that's why you can sense chills down your spines as you listen to music (sometimes). And what I've realised throughout time is that music really does take me from highs to lows. I can't imagine the world without such sounds. Music fuels heartbreak yet fosters ecstasy.

One of my greatest regrets in life truly is not learning how to play an instrument. I wish I had the ability to seamlessly strum out any song or to be able to have the incredible gift to learn by ear. In an effort to overcome this, I recently picked up the guitar and learnt how to play the opening to Radiohead's High and Dry. For a beginner, it is hard because I am not used to tensing my fingers and arranging them in such a way to play those chords which are pretty easy yet quite complex to me.

And what else? Ah, the Great Australian Cliche - moving to England once you've finished tertiary education. After university, I plan to work in Australia as a physiotherapist for around 2 years to garner experience and after that, hope to find work in the UK. I've truly fallen in love with that place and I am yearning to step foot into it again. Take me back, London! And I truly hope it happens :S

The Zonoscope Tour

2011-04-01T16:55:00.002+11:00

Cut Copy. Ah yes, I've been enamoured with their latest release for ages and was initially going to skip out on their concert. Then came along Gypsy and the Cat where they announced shows that were only for adults. Bugger. So then I decided to purchase tickets to Cut Copy at the Enmore and now I am so excited. This will mark the 2nd time I'm seeing them...It's going to be a good one I know, cause once you're in the concert, their show just feels like a cosmic dance party. Hahaha.

Can't wait to have my heart ignited on fire again and to hear their newest songs translated to live music.

Anyway, on a side note...I am quite happy with my layout. It looks so clean, yay!

Take Me Over - Cut Copy

Sæglópur

2011-03-31T18:36:00.004+11:00

Someday, I'll find what I truly want.

Sigur Ros is always perfect to listen on a cool day, where rain drops like dimples onto the concrete and the wind gently blows across your face. Times like this, I feel too much, that I am about to burst.

Saturday night in East Berlin

2011-03-27T19:39:00.005+11:00

photo by phixotography

what do you think of dying? sometimes, i want to die. there are times when you feel most vulnerable and all you want to do is find an escape from the passing reality that is in front of you. sometimes i also wish that it were the olden days where women's primary preoccupations were to run errands around the home...not education. but look where society has brought us to? women's education is equally important as men's education. why do i have these thoughts? university had probably taken its toll on my sanity. i find myself trying so hard to do so much work, to remember the ever increasing content to the point where i find that it becomes hard to comprehend. and therefore, i wish that an education in university wasn't vital. it's not that i don't like learning, in fact, its something i love doing but the way that it is presented to me in this fashion is not something i like i suppose. everything is grey in my course, i find myself jumping from different websites to different textbooks to find a concrete answer to some of the most petty pieces of information. and then the lecturer says that not many textbooks have that answer to that objective, isn't that just wonderful.

and dying. im sure everyone has thought about death. and how, at their weakest moments, they just want all this to pass and stop feeling, cease the pain and move on to eternity, where they may sleep forever in peace. there are so many times when i feel weak, when i can hardly keep my head above the water and there are times when i nearly drown. but i take a step back and look at the big picture and realise that the problems i am going through are probably not going to drastically weigh me down in the near future. who cares if i don't get the desired result for that test/quiz? life goes on, friend. one day this will soon be over and in the flashback before death, i wonder what i'll see.

這個剎那宇宙拒絕永久世事無常還是未看夠還未看透

2011-03-27T11:41:00.002+11:00

[夕陽無限好天色已黃昏本想去憑愛去換最燦爛一生
想不到長吻帶來更永恆傷感
夕陽無限好卻是近黃昏高峰的快感剎那失陷
風花雪月不肯等人要獻便獻吻] - 夕陽無限好 Eason Chan

"人總需要勇敢生存我還是重新許願
例如學會承受失戀
明年今日別要再失眠床褥都改變如果有幸會面
或在同伴新婚的盛宴惶惑地等待你出現
明年今日未見你一年誰捨得改變離開你六十年
但願能認得出你的子女臨別亦聽得到你講再見" - 明年今日 Eason Chan

2011-03-26T19:56:00.006+11:00

You’re only a teenager. You’re not yet married, so go with the flow, laugh tons, use manners, and try something new.Will you just kiss him already? Trust your feelings, spend your cash, introduce yourself, take a chance, study hard, seek happiness, and regret nothing.Don’t laugh at people’s dreams, make a wish on 11:11, challenge yourself, take pictures and appreciate the memories. You should make time to dance in your underwear, and learn from the past. Play dress up and then take all your clothes off. Have the time of your life."

1. How do you take your tutor seriously when his shirt says, 'Let's go crazy' in pink neon writing superimposed with a crazy looking vintage girl? The answer is you can't and I found myself incredibly distracted in my EXSS tute yesterday.

2. I drove quite a lot today and decided upon driving back to school. I wish I learned how to drive during HSC as it would've been so convenient. Nevertheless, driving back evoked many bittersweet feelings....and many memories. Only a year ago was I there, loathing my routine and wishing that it were the end of the HSC instead. A year on, I look back with fondness and nothing but a resolution that even though, whilst living through 2010 seemed like hell, from the other side, I must conclude it must've been one of the best years of my mere life.

Lately

2011-03-20T13:17:00.005+11:00

Two Kinds of Happiness - The Strokes

Machu Picchu - The Strokes

Will Do - TV on the Radio

Helena Beat - Foster the People

Ego - Burial/Four Tet/Thom Yorke

and i'll be everything you ask but more.

2011-03-18T19:41:00.002+11:00

seriously the best live performance of 1901 ever. seriously.
look at the drummer
and thomas mars' exit by throwing the mike as if it were nothing.

ahhaha, i love phoenix.

The Wolf Parade

2011-03-15T15:30:00.003+11:00

2011 is an exciting year for music.
Not only has Radiohead released their long awaited, 'The King of Limbs' on a whim but Patrick Wolf is finally releasing new material. I must've been stuck in the highs of post hsc life that I had neglected checking Patrick Wolf's facebook statuses. Little did I know that he released, 'Time of My Life' ages ago, in the lead up to his 2011 release, 'Lupercalia'.

Patrick Wolf's music never fails to impress. It's so elegantly played and oh, he has amazing vocals too. 'happy without you..'

Hands

2011-03-12T20:36:00.002+11:00

It seems to me that the world is abound with so many problems right now.
I don't pray but from the deepest place of my heart, I hope someday all these natural disasters will cease. But alas, they won't. The Earth must be experiencing some incredible change seismically. What can we do?
Yet in the midst of the change that is happening around the earth, the power of social networking has invariably brought people together. Humanity will strive through these hard times...RIP to all the victims of the quake. And to all the martyrs who fought for freedom in their countries namely Libya and Egypt. Progression is occurring. We're stepping into a different world to the one we were born into. In some ways, I feel proud for those tearing down dictatorships yet saddened for those who've died.

Times like these, my motivation to become someone who can lend a hand increases. I hope I will make it and someday, help out...as small as that sounds.

Uni.

2011-03-09T21:41:00.003+11:00

University has been really really darn tiring and I always find myself falling asleep before 10:00pm hits. Physiotherapy is an interesting course, I like learning about the body systems but I find anatomy overwhelming and something that has to be done by rote learning. And the amount of content to learn in such a small space of time is just insane. I think I have covered a key part of the preliminary PDHPE module as well as some parts of Biology already. And its not even the end of the 2nd week yet. What?

I had my first anatomy class last Thursday and given the hype on how some people spaz and freak out before seeing parts of a cadaver, I suppose viewing the body parts for me was okay. It was odd at first, seeing the thumb of the hand but then I got over it, viewing the part as a piece of...well, tough leathery meat. But the main source of concern was the overbearing smell. Although I do feel hungry after I have anatomy for reasons I don't know why. They say its the chemical they use to preserve the bodies and I've searched it up but haven't found any reputable source backing up that rumour.

Anyway, apparently a dude threatened to commit suicide at Petersham today. I suppose its a good thing that cityrail halted services to save the man's life but the shutdown at Petersham led to major delays on so many other lines. It was very frustrating to wait on the platform for 30+ minutes or more when the service was scheduled to arrive in 2 minutes as I first stepped into the station. The incident truly reflects how flawed our public transport system really is and even if Liberal were elected into State Parliament, it will be so hard to fix such a horrendous rail line. Take for examples in both Paris, London and Hong Kong. Hong Kong has glass doors separating the platform from the rail line so suicide attempts are near impossible. Paris and London; oh their metro lines are amazingly connected in so many different directions...so that if there was some major incident at any station, detours via other stations are possible. Though with the population of Sydney only standing at around 4 - 5 million, it wouldn't be viable to adapt any of the aforementioned city's railway networks. I guess we'll just have to put up with it.

Ceremony

2011-03-06T13:20:00.002+11:00

Possibly one of the best covers of New Order/Joy Division.
- Amazing guitars. Darn, I love post punk
Long live the legacy.

Everything is Everything

2011-03-03T14:18:00.007+11:00

It always stuns me with how fast time really flies. It's been a year since I saw Phoenix and right now, if it were 2010, I'd be in Legal Studies in computer room 1 and trying in vain to finish my research. I'd probably be procrastinating as well and talking to Kelly, also procrastinating. The memory I have of that day is so vivid, particularly because it was so fun. Then I'd be training home, texting Vivien cause I freaked out whilst I waited for Cecilia to get to my house so we could train it to Milson's Point. Whilst waiting on the platform, I grabbed my chemistry notes out to study whilst she started talking about History & Memory and English. The train ride was filled with excitement and I can fondly recall that that day was pleasant (weather wise) and the sunset was most beautiful. Noone had arrived once we got to Luna Park so we ventured near the harbour and talked...and I sat there looking up at the sky, wondering what uni would be like and what would eventuate by the end of the year. The others arrived as well - somewhat met with some awkward silences since I only knew 2 of them and the others were new friends but really amazing people now that I think of it.

I remember going into the venue and feeling very nervous - but the nervousness was eased as the support band starting playing; music has this tendency to relax I reckon. The support band, Papa vs Pretty were actually pretty darn awful and once they announced they were playing, 'Wrecking Ball', I immediately made a connection to Interpol's song and thought they were covering the song; alas, they weren't and I can fondly recall our cheering once they announced they were onto their last song.

The wait for Phoenix was long and grueling and terribly exciting. We stood there whilst the sets were changed and as the clocks were ticking onto 9:00pm, I don't think the crowd could really hold in their excitement any longer. I was yearning for them to pop out and at the most unexpected moment, the lights dimmed whilst the opening for 'Lisztomania' churned out from the speakers; the concert was on. From the force of the crowd pushing and shoving, it was hard to stay with friends and I deviated away from a few in my concert clan and tried in vain to keep my head up in that immensely exciting moment. Phoenix were amazingly tight and sound exactly the same as they do on record. I spent the night in the Big Top, looking at the strobe lights, listening to the glorious music and felt on a high - one that was induced by the melodies of Phoenix's songs.

At the end of the night, I suppose we were all stuck in a euphoric high. The rest of the concert clan went off to buy merchandise leaving myself and another friend standing around and chatting. He was very nice, offering to buy the tshirt for me on eBay or something since I didn't have any money but I really didn't want to bother him. Though now, after a year and browsing around Phoenix's webstore, I really want to buy a shirt. Then off we got out of the venue and to the convenience store...Haha, I still remember one of them buying Orange juice cause they are obsessed with that stuff...And I was deliberating whether to buy some soda or a bottle of water and opted for the latter instead, to rehydrate my very wet and tired self.

Looking at Sydney Harbour at night from the position of the Luna Park is magical. Even when you're on a shitty CityRail platform i.e. Milson's Point, you can't help but wonder why is this all so beautiful and feel that world is truly amazing and big. Everything is Everything. (ha!)

And so the journey home via CityRail...we read past MXes and laughed all the way home. We were tired, worn and still euphoric.

I never wrote up a long extensive post of that night here; only complementing the post of the event with a few images and videos of the night. I wonder why I was so nervous going to the concert in the first place - though I can recall feeling reckless since I was going to a concert right before school assessments. And the chemistry and english I was studying on the train? It's true when they say that once you're out of HSC, you realise that it was all a breeze and a gentle one too. The memory of that night is still crystal clear in my mind, I just never really wrote it down online. And here it is, scribed on my blog with permanent internet ink. May that memory never fade.

now the cities we live in could be distant stars

2011-02-25T23:21:00.004+11:00

Suburban War - Arcade Fire

I suppose the oddest thing about the transition from high school to university is the break of familiarity for me. Ever since school started, we had been always treading the same road. But this is now different - it is probably the same with work and pressure but the learning appears to be so much more condensed and concentrated; we're training for our future professions, training for how we are to be as adults in society.

Despite hating on English so much in high school, I have grown a particular fondness for it after the HSC. One night as I felt overwhelmed and terribly claustrophobic, I found myself turning towards Gwen Harwood's 'At Mornington', reading it and realising what beautiful words she has written down from pen to paper. And I cannot help but realise how much contemporary relevance Blade Runner has to our current society - the HSC Advanced English Course was very insightful and now I miss it. And I miss doing maths so much.

What I find the most frightening though is how friendships will inevitably drift apart. It's like that change from primary to high school though I suppose this would different. The teenage years were when we changed the most, found ourselves in the world, lost others along the road and developed our identities. I guess that could say that we changed together. The separation will truly test these ties that we've found in high school and may they only strengthen but not wear as time passes by.

Growing up is confusing. Sometimes you find yourself attracted to one idea and another time, attracted to something completely on a different spectrum. I've never been more confused in my life. Time to grow up.

I am Julian Assange.

2011-02-25T21:14:00.004+11:00

The US has YOU in control.

SRXT

2011-02-23T23:25:00.003+11:00

A lazy day at home.

Reorganised my closet. It's so much neater hey?

A cardboard cut out thing I bought in Covent Garden, London.

Changes

2011-02-21T23:58:00.002+11:00

Orientation was today.

I guess it was a chance for me to set foot onto campus and realise how....tafe-like my campus looks. I've seen facebook groups proclaiming their love for Cumberland...but really? It made me feel claustrophobic in the way that it was a magnified size of high school but with so many people pursuing different subjects and yet I felt incredibly small and alone there. Maybe it would change as semester progresses, who knows?

The lecturers who greeted us on orientation were certainly blunt about what we were to expect. I had already knew that Uni is infinitely harder than the HSC but I guess they just felt the urge to reiterate that to our already numb faces. What was even more comforting was finding out that the discipline of physiotherapy had pretty high failure rates, 'the two people next to you will probably fail one or two subjects'. I certainly don't want to fail.

The approach I had towards the HSC was mixed with bouts of distraction and a longing for someone/somethings. But with uni, I'm going to work hard for it.

Idiots

2011-02-19T01:36:00.000+11:00

I love it when people post status updates on facebook about things you should never tell people. Like how they evaded tax, cheated CentreLink, hate their boss an effing lot ....
Cause that is so smart isn't it hey? #idiots
There are so many more and I really can't think of any right now. But the one that struck me was how someone evaded their tax payments. Lmao. Imagine one of her friends worked for the ATO... Would they be friends anymore?!? Haha - people really need to be careful with their words online. And I do too.
After the wikileaks scare, I'll be thinking twice about what I put on the net. Cause once it's on, it won't be off.

James Blunt

2011-02-18T16:37:00.005+11:00

I can still recall James Blunt's explosion into mainstream music in year 8. Everyone sang 'You're Beautiful' or 'Goodbye My Lover' and well, made fun of it as those songs got way overplayed and perhaps, a tad annoying to listen to. I was a fan of James Blunt's music in year 8...though started to deviate away his genre of music as I discovered Bloc Party and a legion of bands which offered music that was not quite as soft as James Blunt's. And now, what do I found myself doing? Listening to James Blunt's music again catalysed by the release of his newest album, 'Some Kind of Trouble'...

It's weird, but I still really like James Blunt.