In due time

My procrastination has taken to new levels with me feeling an incredible itch to organise my next 18th birthday party. This was all catalysed by reading the Sun Herald where I found a review of the 'Hunky Dory Social Club' located in Paddington. The pictures were quite alluring, as it was a rooftop bar with overgrown shrubs - apparently, exuding a Manhattan atmosphere. And so began my interest in finding a bar to host my 18th party. I had initially wanted a 90s themed 18th, because I am in utter love with the 90s and am sometimes overly nostalgic for that era...but now, I just want to host it at a pretty rooftop bar. The Hunky Dory looks pretty nice though I am not sure how much that is going to cost me. I don't even know if I want it to be big either...or will it be just a girls thing or have just an amalgamation of shizzle. And holy shit, I'm looking at 'The Wine Suites' at Manly. Damn that place is beautiful. Aw man, The Winery at Gazebo is nice too.

Man, I have no freaking clue. I know I don't want a trashy party - wait no-one would want that anyway. I do want people to have fun though I don't want to blow my wallet. Oh what to do.

Screw that, MACCAS FTW

What I think.

I love how every new person I meet automatically assumes that I do the subjects: economics, modern history and business studies. I bet they also think I do standard English and 2 unit mathematics. It must the look I convey since those subjects are the exact things I do not do at school. In fact, they don't interest me on any level. Maybe we assume way too often and judge people from what they seem like. I guess I do it as well, I cannot say that I don't judge but I am trying to get to know people from what they really are, not what I think they are. It's true what those corny sayings say, 'Don't judge a book by it's cover', cause if you do you'll most likely get the insides wrong. People see things so one dimensionally. Maybe we should all start twitching our heads around and make a judgement once we're informed not when we're suspecting.

And you know what? I am starting to believe that all we do right now will add up in the end. There is a reason for every single thing we decide... Like Oskar from Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close said, 'I don't believe there is a God but I believe things are extremely complicated'. That's exactly what I think. Things are so complicated that they're unexplainable. That's what makes life so worthwhile and such an amazing experience. To be honest, we're all going to die one day...and at this stage, we don't know what will happen when we go. Maybe there's an afterlife? Maybe nothing happens? But its these little things that we do that defines our life so that the moment before we go, maybe we could go with a tingly feeling of happiness.

You're a zero!

Because I have succumbed to the temptations of procrastination, I shall be making a list...On what. I guess, a list concerning things about me....

1. I hate having my hair fall out. I'm not concerned about balding or hair scalp problems but I'm just concerned about the DNA I'm leaving behind where ever I go! I feel as though I'm giving away who I am to the world.
2. My astrological horoscope is Cancer the crab, hard on the outside, soft on the inside. That's precisely me, I guess I can seem to be tough but inside, I'm all soft and helpless.
3. I'm jealous of a lot of people's relationships with their cousins. I never really had any deep connections with my cousins (except for maybe 1) but nevertheless, the lack of such relationships in my life makes me sad.
4. I used to be overly materialistic in year 9. Fashion, supposed 'indie' music, attractive good looking people, smoking seeming cool and such were all that occupied my mind. I had a major 'breakdown' at the end of year 9, realising that such perceptions of the world were so narrow-minded and morally low. I've moved away from being that person I hated being. I guess I still like that stuff (except for smoking), but they're not the only things that matter in my life anymore.
5. I can still recall the first epiphany I experienced...precisely when I was 5 years old. I remember asking my dad, 'Why do we have to go to school when all of us suffer the same fate, death?' (maybe not using those words but nevertheless). I guess I kinda astounded my father by asking such an introspective question.
   
6. I like the pain inflicted upon me by needles but I don't like it to the extent that I go slice my arms. No, I just like it whenever I get an injection I guess. The pain is soothing. Gosh, I sound so emo, but I swear I'm not! I just don't really view the 'pain' as actual pain. (If that makes any sense)
7. Contrary to what many people think, I can actually lie very well and I bloody well mean it. I guess I cannot lie for trivial matters i.e. hiding a friend's bag somewhere or rather, but I can lie when its absolutely necessary. And I get away with it most of the time XD

To be continued when my brain allows me to think of more things about myself. I kinda hate doing these about-mes cause they inflate your ego to unimaginable levels...however, I guess this time is different. Self discovery I'm guessing.