One last exam tomorrow... 4 exams consecutively have been really draining... I am so tired. I am yearning for sleep and to do something else other than studying.
Wish me luck.
One more. One last one for this semester.

This semester has been so bipolar. I would like some consistency next semester...I hope so.

The Writer - Ellie Goulding.

Sat on your sofa...it's all broken springs
This isn't the place for those violin strings
I try out a smile and I aim it at you
You must have missed it
You always do


But I've got a plan
Why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say?
Why don't you be the artist; and make me out of clay?
Because I'd rather pretend
I'll still be there at the end
Only it's too hard to ask... won't you try to help me?

Hello.

Disengaging from this telecommunications world is rather hard. I mean, how would I know what shift I have at work if I completely turned off my phone? Or perhaps, how to tell my friends that I'm just going to try and drop off the radar for a while... 

I feel dead. I don't even know if that's the right term to describe how I feel. I guess it's more like an amalgamation of just not wanting to try anymore due to sheer lethargy and perhaps even more that I don't know what it means to be completely happy anymore. I tried to feel happiness today by purchasing something...yeah, I bought 500 Days of Summer on DVD as it was on sale. That happiness of purchasing was transient, didn't last for long but it surely gave me a kick. And then it was nail polish. That lasted longer until I applied it and then it was just yeah, I felt a bit drabby. That's not a word, but that encapsulates how I feel. 

This blog is somewhat chronicling the downward spiral of me. Actually, more like the epic highs with the epic lows, am I somewhat bipolar? Mildly perhaps. I don't know, there is probably something wrong with me. 

Goodbye. 

Crushed.

How does love ever happen? I don't know how other people do it. But some get it right, others spend their lives trying to figure how to make it happen. I think I am far too naive on the topic of love because I don't know whether I will have the privilege of being loved in return. This shit is far too cheesy. But I don't give a fuck because this is my blog and I will write whatever I please.

Yeah I don't know. When I joke how I repel people and fuck all, I actually believe it. Because despite my meagre 18 year existence, I haven't really felt anything from anyone else before. It's all just out of vain from me. I don't even fucking know what I am writing now, but I feel like crap. Liking someone but having no idea how to tell them or any idea what they feel is just dog shit.

Fuck everything.

The Fog.

We feel nothing so jump into the fog.

Not a ramble post.

I went to eat at Newtown with Kelly last Friday. Went to Corridor Bar. It's really pretty.
I look very thrilled. Well, that's cause I was. Catching up is nice. And now I am home on a Friday night finishing up notes. What a life.
I played Oztag. We lost 6 - 8. Taking into consideration that girls score 2 points whenever they try. Haha... I didn't try...only tagged.
I got stressed on Wednesday night upon realising how much I had to do.
I caught the train and fell up the stairs at Hurstville. I was very embarrassed but it was okay.
I went to General Pants Co. and bought a pair of jeans. Why the fuck? Don't know. Don't ask me why. I just felt like spending money. And now I think I should return them cause I don't think they are worth the amount I paid for them.
Also felt really glum today. Yep. No random rambling reasoning why though. It's all a lil bit shitty. As always.
I ate Noggi and Wowcow. Both are good. I want froyo. They say its the new craze, kinda is. It's creamy and delicious. Yep.

tiny vessels?

i don't know how to put it....
but something's off.
and i don't know what.
it scares the shit out of me
and i get insecure.
if only i knew how to fix. but was it already broken to begin with? what happened here?
come on skinny love what happened here? pour a little salt we were never here......
my worst nightmares are coming true.
i'm so tired.

Augustine.

You know what? I think people tend to settle for mediocrity because it's easy. It's not bad nor is it any good so we just choose the easiest way out and just accept for what it is. 

I've always been a person who believed in passion, follow your heart and do not give in to what others say you cannot do, because this is your life and if you don't believe, who else is gonna help you? No one. But lately, mediocrity has got to me in the sense that I am starting to budge into whatever is easiest and that I've been losing that inspiration I had with life before. I don't know, does it mean I am growing up? Growing up to realising that life really doesn't behave the way you want it to sometimes and therefore, you just learn to accept whatever you have and move on with life. 

Sometimes, I don't feel as much anymore. I really don't hope to sound like the biggest drama queen...but in all honesty, as of late, I've been disappointed repeatedly, it just never seems to stop ending. The amount of disappointments and bad things just outweigh the good immensely and then I start to resolve that it must be me that is the problem. Well, what other problem could it be? Because it is my life that I am living and all the choices that I make are inevitably going to influence it in one way or another. There are also times when I just wish I was another person for once, maybe like a normal Asian girl or something. That sounds selfish because everyone has their own problems and there goes the saying where if we all chucked our problems into one pile, we'd take them all back. True. But it'd be nice to take a break from these problems we all had and see things from another perspective. That's the poison of the mind, we're all individuals and hence, we can never see the other way out as easily as others can. 

I am still resenting technology. I have been quite extreme with it all to be quite frank. I wish I never yearned for an iPhone because I just hate technology with so much of a passion, it's destroying all meaningful relationships and everything good about life. It disgusts me how hopelessly I am addicted to technology, to my iPhone even because I am just so yearning to be connected to everyone. And yet ironically, I feel disconnected because of this connection. Annoying.