now the cities we live in could be distant stars

Suburban War - Arcade Fire

I suppose the oddest thing about the transition from high school to university is the break of familiarity for me. Ever since school started, we had been always treading the same road. But this is now different - it is probably the same with work and pressure but the learning appears to be so much more condensed and concentrated; we're training for our future professions, training for how we are to be as adults in society.

Despite hating on English so much in high school, I have grown a particular fondness for it after the HSC. One night as I felt overwhelmed and terribly claustrophobic, I found myself turning towards Gwen Harwood's 'At Mornington', reading it and realising what beautiful words she has written down from pen to paper. And I cannot help but realise how much contemporary relevance Blade Runner has to our current society - the HSC Advanced English Course was very insightful and now I miss it. And I miss doing maths so much.

What I find the most frightening though is how friendships will inevitably drift apart. It's like that change from primary to high school though I suppose this would different. The teenage years were when we changed the most, found ourselves in the world, lost others along the road and developed our identities. I guess that could say that we changed together. The separation will truly test these ties that we've found in high school and may they only strengthen but not wear as time passes by.

Growing up is confusing. Sometimes you find yourself attracted to one idea and another time, attracted to something completely on a different spectrum. I've never been more confused in my life. Time to grow up.

A moment...

Finally signed out of high school and now, other than waiting for an edited reference letter, I'm not a student of the school anymore. These 6 years have gone by too quickly and is perhaps, too hard to comprehend. The sentimental side of me is just reminiscing about it all...and feeling a little lost at how this is truly all over now. Going back to school to do the HSC made me feel as if I was still a part of it all but now, not quite. It's a little saddening to see how Year 11s have already colonised the study areas of the library as their own now whilst others are working out of those temporary 4Unit textbooks that I had only used a year ago. Time flies by too fast and I seriously did not cherish every moment. I guess I had been one who was eager to leave. Not everything was the best in high school but every now and then, I look at those wearing school uniforms on the streets and really wish that I was one of them, one of those kids who were still attending high school.

Anyway, what good is it lamenting over the past now?

The real issue is, I never realised at how quick this would be all over. I truly underestimated time's power...I miss it all already.

They took off for the mystery zone

This song is fucking great. Builds up appropriately, leaves you wanting for more. Gosh, I shouldn't have left Spoon just there in my iTunes library...should listen to them more.



Anyhow, Happy November. Scary how October's over already...though I don't have much recollection of what happened during October except I was stuck at home studying for the HSC. Not fun innit? The other recollection I have of October is excessive tutoring at Tipps...3 and 4 hour sessions for around 4 times a week (during the holidays). It was long and gruelling, I honestly thought they were never going to end...and now the reality is that, I'll never be sitting there learning and doing maths anymore. Weird how times flies...moreso scary. Strange. Though, I must those tutoring sessions were pretty fun though, given that my tutor made us FOOD (AWESOME NOODLES AND STUFF) to satisfy our hunger (due to the need of brain food).

I don't know what's up with my body but I haven't been sleeping well lately. I always fall asleep almost an hour after I first lie in bed, so it gets rather uncomfortable. It's probably a naive way to fix my retarded body clock, but I've been trying to wake up earlier...so that I become more exhausted by night. But what do you know? It's not bloody working. I'm fine right now, pretty darn pumped (though not for any more chemistry nor physics). All I want to do is just, well, watch videos on youtube and have fun (though alas, I cannot because I am stuck in this rut called the HSC). Anyhow, I'M AN INSOMNIAC! Gosh, I really will endeavour to fix my up sleeping patterns after all these exams....Blah!

TIME REALLY FLIES GUYS! I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE FIRST DAY OF JANUARY, 2010. I WAS IN HONG KONG, PREPARING TO LEAVE FOR AUSTRALIA. WHAT THE HELL. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN CHEATED OF MY TIME. WHERE HAVE I BEEN? :'(

Procrastinating

Hell yes, I am procrastinating. Only done 2 freaking exams and I am ready to shoot myself...I procrastinated the whole morning by going on net-a-porter, looking at dresses I wish I could wear to my formal...but can't buy since they're all out of my budget...(by a lot to be exact). Went on urban outfitters as well; they're having free shipping...found a pair of leather shorts and now I do not know whether I should buy them or not. I've always wanted a pair though.

Hayfever strikes again in this weather. I went out for a afternoon stroll yesterday up my street and they wind blew violently and I came home feeling incredibly itchy in the nasal and throat passage. Took telfast and oh! I felt better immediately. The itch is still there but it's not unbearable.

I simply cannot wait until Monday....that would be the day where I'll pour out all of my Extension 2 maths knowledge onto the exam paper and walk out, never having to solve another complex number problem ever again. I'm hankering for that feeling...I know it will feel liberating, similar to that feeling I had after I finished the English paper. Never will I be required to analyse something that I don't believe in i.e. that a photograph can seriously capture messages of belonging (all because that's what the composer seriously intended for ey?). Free me!

Only the young can break away.

It probably isn't truly the most appropriate time to mention this, but this song reminds me of the 'synthetic Vangelis' score in Blade Runner. Though, Brandon Flower's 'Only the Young' has amazing ethereal sounds that differentiate it from being entirely associated with the movie...
Studying makes me so tired! At the end of the day, I'm ready to slump on my bed and sleep the night away. I can't wait until the 4th of November...the day when I'll be entirely free. Although I do not want to lose all my knowledge of the shit I've studied for so long....especially this 4 unit maths shite. Gah, I am starting to ramble.
Anyway, enjoy the song. I quite like it.

so don't forget me or what you want

Plans by Birds of Tokyo

'We made plans to kiss the sun at night.'

How did I get here?

The reality of leaving high school forever is finally sinking in. It's both a scary yet thrilling experience simultaneously. No more would the sheltering be there anymore and off we venture into the real world where school will no longer be our primary preoccupation. 13 years of schooling have all condensed to this one day, this final day of walking out of the gates of St George as its students. Sure we'll be back for the HSC and signing out, but it will be different. Parting is such a sweet sweet sorrow, but we all knew that this was coming, didn't we?

I didn't cry at my graduation. Yet I know I am very sad. I'll miss St George, even though I didn't like it very much for a long time. But I've grown up there and leave the place with fond memories. Ah, 6 years of being stuck in Kogarah. 6 years of my life which I'll treasure. So long St George Class of 2010, you've been good. May each and every one of you venture into fields that you love and perhaps, at our reunions we could share stories of success and happiness. All the best girls and Good Riddance.

Old People

Year 12; we've reached the end of the schooling ladder. This long gruelling race that we've run since 1998 is finally coming to an end. How do you feel? Relieved? Sad? Sentimental? We close an old chapter of our lives and open a realm of clean slates where we prepare to write new things into our somewhat short yet sweet lives of ours. It's hard not to feel old and mature at this age, being the kings and queens of high school. Yet on the grand spectrum of things, we're only tiny little butterflies only starting to take their first flight into the atmosphere of freedom.
In so many ways, I still feel like a 5 year old child. I'm not mature at all nor am I ready and I'm not gonna pretend I am.

Countdown (Sick for the Big Sun) by Phoenix
do you remember when 21 years was old?

My Awful Health

Ever since year 12 has started, I feel like I'm either always:

1. Stressed

2. Panicking or

3. Moody

I guess these factors have now taken its toll on my health and I am currently stuck at home, experiencing the consequences of it. I guess these aren't directly the causes of my sickness right now, but surely, with the hormone imbalances etc, they have contributed to it.

I started having pains in my appendix area around 2 weeks ago. I got that checked out by the doctor and he gave me some tablets..the name of which I don't recall. He told me to go back the very next day for a check up but the silly me didn't think it was necessary. Bad idea. And plus, I had a lot of homework to do back then...so yeah, I compromised health for completing homework.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was running late for school and decided to skip breakfast. I hate missing the bus, it makes me feel awful... So, I had my breakfast in the form of noodles at around recess. It sure did taste great though little did I know that it would start the abdominal pains that have persisted ever since. I couldn't really do anything yesterday, nor was I motivated at all. I thought the pain would go away as I thought it was just a minor stomach ache. I was so wrong...I couldn't even sleep the pain away. I laid in my bed for the whole night, sleeping in one position i.e. upright, just so that the pain wasn't as intense. Heck, I even dreamt of going to the pharmacy to buy meds to cure my pain yet, funnily enough, the only meds that could potentially help me cure the pain in my sleep, were the drugs which required prescription..... What an uncanny reflection of my inner state.

I went to the doctor's today, given my intense pain that I am experiencing right now. I got some blood taken out of me...since he was afraid that I had acute appendicitis or something like that although it is most likely a gastrointestinal infection. I didn't get any meds, just advice that I should drink more water, pass some stool and take panadol whenever the pain is unbearable. I hope it is nothing big....I still have an Extension 2 Maths Paper to complete on Thursday. And I am not supposed to go to school tomorrow. Dear god, I am going to be missing out on so much theory. And now I am back to my panic mood. Ugh.

Oh and wtf with Muse's new song. It's nice but surely Muse did not compose this song. It is so incredibly different to what Muse really sound like. So so odd.

I just registered for UMAT online...and some of my friends on facebook became fans of 'Medentry UMAT Prep Course'..Since I was curious, I clicked through and found myself on a website that went on and on about how it is crucial to have appropriate UMAT preparation as such. This is really freaking me out...because I don't intend to do UMAT prep courses.

I wish I could live free, I hope its not beyond me

The New by Interpol

Nobody is perfect, I think that's been established long ago. Even when perfection is unattainable, surely there are some qualities embedded within a person that will make them stand out and perhaps, be a little special in a way. I've calculated and considered everything about myself, weighed up the qualities and flaws that I personally know I possess and have figured that I am average. To be honest, I think I am more flawed than blessed. You know those people who have a knack for learning all kitschy artsy things easily and/or either talented musically? Yeah, well, I am not one of those. Year 9 + 10 art reinforced my incapability of producing a aesthetically appealing piece of artwork, as indicated by my failed portrait of myself! Alas, I couldn't even draw myself on a bloody canvas. I've tried picking up the guitar and learning a few chords to a few of my favourite songs. Even though I learned the chords, I struggled with keeping my fingers on the strings and progressing smoothly from chord to chord. Yes, I did practise but the more I did, the more I realised how much coordination I lacked to successfully play the guitar. Even though I love listening to the melodic and luscious sounds of music, to reproduce it by myself is just out of my league. It's just something that's not in me. You see, artistic talent is not possessed by myself. (as much as I wish it was) Oh, and artistic talents also embody photography, singing, dancing and all the creative things. I can do them all...all in a mediocre manner..see? Not perfect..nowhere even near good.

Educationally? Average student, not that impressive. Okay at some subjects, shit at others. As indicated by results, I have realised that I am always just an average girl. I sometimes wonder why my name is actually Katie when really it should be my middle name, Jane. I should have been really called Jane Katie Lau, instead of Katie Jane Lau. I do try..to be honest, but it just seems as though every single one of my tests all yield an average result. Maintaining an average result in such a competitive school is not good enough in my standards. I've always wanted to trump the usuals...those girls who are always getting impressive scores in every.single.subject they do. Seriously speaking though...looking and observing their study habits already tire me. I just want to bury my head in a pillow and not look at their determined faces.

I always say this after my exams...but I am thoroughly disappointed with the results I received for mathematics. It was always my strong subject but lately, it's been lagging behind and I am not getting what I want to get. I know I could have done so much better...if I had put in more effort and been a little less arrogant in my assumptions regarding my knowledge of the topics that were tested. I thought I had a reasonable grasp of what was assessed but there were inevitably gaps within my knowledge that restricted me from attaining the marks that were of the higher end. Katie, is yet again, average Katie (Jane). Perhaps this is a wake up call, telling me to refocus and re-evaluate my study habits. I am slightly relieved that these tests only constitute 20% of my overall HSC mark...there is still room for improvement and I know I will make in all the up and coming assessments. It's only a matter of dedication to breakthrough this plain Katie Jane barrier. It will be my time to shine.

In Preparation

In preparation for my up and coming exams, there are several things that I must do:

1. Start completing practice mathematics papers (now that I've finally finished all my maths exercises! :))

2. Practice physics + chemistry questions

3. Finish Legal Studies research

4. English: practice answering A.O.S belonging questions

5. Stop Facebooking! :)

6. Start Working!

Come on Katie! I'm sure you can do it. I'm so sure!

Tired

I've always loved studying physics...the Space topic really put me back on track and made me appreciate this subject so much more. However, the second topic, Motors and Generators really reinforced how terribly bad I am at this subject. I understand the theory but I cannot seem to actually apply it. I don't know why. Maybe it's also an indication that I don't get it...but I do and it doesn't seem to come through whenever I do my work.

My sister's boyfriend told me to drop it, since I seem to be struggling so much with the easiest concepts. I don't want to since I will be wasting all that time I put into studying it in the beginning.

And last but not least, I am starting to feel really nervous about the coming tests. I'm scared I'm going to let my parents down. I want to perform well in everything...and everything, I mean everything, counts towards that ATAR. ..

Mumfy

I finally got my license today...yay, woopee! I actually feel as if I have an identity now and that I can easily send things off in the mail. Good. I just wanted photo id with my home address on it.

I listened to the whole Triple J hottest 100 countdown yesterday. There were some very strange songs that made it up on the list, most notably Art vs Science's placing at number 2 with their terrible song, 'Parlez vous Francaise'. The song isn't even song, more like a chant that should not even be up in the hottest 100. But who knows who voted for this song, perhaps they may be musically retarded or something. I, in no way, appreciate such a song. I think its horrendous. Oh and may I add, how come Uprising by Muse only came 9th? I expected it to be 2nd at least, since I already knew Mumford and Sons was first. Gah, that's rather annoying. I mean come on Lisa Mitchell & Lily Allen both trumping Muse? No freaking way. I feel like a triple j whore now...great. Maybe this is the closest to a bogan I can get...by listening to triple j religiously. Huh?

School is starting tomorrow and yes, I bet a lot of people are dreading this day. I feel indifferent and am accept my coming fate as it is. I know that I will grow to miss school at the very end and so I will try to enjoy this ride as much I as can...In the meantime, I should study for Tipps. =\

My Same

I was intending to wake up earlier to complete my chemistry syllabus dot points but alas, I was too tired from and slept in for about 2 hours later. It's okay though, I still feel as motivated as ever.

I downloaded Mumford and Sons and am quite enjoying it right now! I like the folksy sounds and the glorious vocal harmonies...they're absolutely beautiful. Anyhow, I listened to the music that Jeremy gave me and am having trouble going through all of them...ah...and he only gave me three artists' music! I gave him a shitload...seriously, just saw whatever I liked and shoved it on there...I am quite sure he will take a while. =\

Life is good I guess. It takes a while to fully become immersed into this stressful life called the HSC year. I strive to find balance amongst the busy work schedule I have planned for myself. I want to find personal enrichment whilst working my butt off to get the desired ATAR score...ha..98+ perhaps? I'd be delighted...and if I really want that, I should not come here and procrastinate. Onwards with the work, Katie!

i want to reconcile the violence in your heart.

Undisclosed Desires by Muse

After an intense 2 weeks of exams, it's now post-exam time i.e. receiving the tests back. I got many of my exams back today and can I honestly say, that I am very thoroughly disappointed in myself? I knew I should have committed myself more to my studies, stopped wasting time and just tried harder.

Thing is, I don't know how to improve for English. I tried so hard for Emma/Clueless and I end up getting the same shitass mark I got for Othello. No, it's not an Asian fail, but a fucking terrible mark that won't get me anywhere. I feel so terrible.

I may be paranoid but no android

Paranoid Android by Radiohead

As always, I should be studying for physics, maths ext 1 and legal studies. However, being a champion procrastinator, blogging is the way to go for me (Y).

Facebook has lost its appeal now. Seriously, there's no point logging onto it when there's absolutely nothing to do. I feel as though facebook is becoming increasingly like a quiz + gaming site and slightly reminiscent of twitter at the very same time. I have twitter, so I guess I shall use that instead now.

I'm slightly nervous for physics tomorrow...since it is in no way, my strongest subject. I suck at it. I only chose it as a subject this year because I found so much interest in it last year, when we were studying galaxies and waves... It sucks to realise how much it doesn't interest me anymore and how different it is to the year 10 course. Oh wells, I shall endure physics until the end of year 12....and hopefully, physics will scale my ATAR and push it up to something sexy. :P Yup, I want a sexy, hot and pretty ATAR score. :D

Better get off now. And btw, Paranoid Android is so long that this it is just finishing right now. Wowww. But nevertheless, its an amazing kickass song. Yay for Radiohead! :)

Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love

Sick Muse- Metric



I should be studying and not blogging..however blogging is much more luring than studying for..well, legal studies. I dunno why I chose it honestly, maybe it's because I thought I might like it...or what not. How weird. I honestly don't know what prompted me to make such a decision though! Nevertheless, I've completed three exams out of the six I'm due to do. Halfway through ey? Nearly there, not yet though. It feels so much like a Saturday today, it's not even funny. Maybe it's because I've been at home for the past two days that my body feels as though its the weekend permanently.

Spring has gotten the better of me. I am now living on Telfast, a rather effective hayfever control medicine. Gosh, I keep on sneezing and my eyes are so damn watery. I hate this weather so much. It's unsettling and it makes me feel TERRIBLE. I wasn't even half bad in winter. I only had episodes of sneezing and feeling chilly at times. I also recovered from these minor colds relatively quickly. However, with hayfever, it seems as though I cannot do anything to suppress these symptoms BUT by taking Telfast. Great, exactly what I need ey? Anyway, for the first time in two months or so, I bought.....2 items of which are:
1. Muse's album, 'The Resistance'
2. A $20 shirt from General Pants Co.
So in total, I spent $40 on two items. :D

But the clouds are clearing up

Moth Wings by Passion Pit

Summer is finally here in the city. The weather is so warm and I'm able to start wearing tshirts all over again. Winter, this time round, wasn't as cold as it was last year or the year before. I remember those days when I would literally be shaking. However, this year, I have been shivering but not the point of shaking. There is a difference there.

I've been trying to edit my layout and make it look aesthetically pleasing. However, this is the best I can do, since I am a HTML noob. So whatevs. I tried jazzing it up with pictures and the alteration of the fonts + colours. Not helping much perhaps? Nevertheless, I tried.

My exams start tomorrow...Honestly speaking, I feel a tad nervous but I feel prepared as well. I studied + wrote a practice essay for Emma...so I hope that that is enough preparation. Funnily enough, I feel 50% ready for Chemistry, 80% ready for maths and 0% ready for physics and legal studies (only because I haven't started committing those subjects to memory yet). However, by the end of tonight, I'm going to bump them all up to 100% ready xept phy and legal. I have the next few days to intensely study for them! Go go go! :)

It's been it's been such a long time

Bargain of a Century by Albert Hammond Jr.

Yearlies are creeping slowly and steadily by. I've started studying for maths and it astounds me how silly my mistakes can be. Argh. My diagrams are always so misleading, so I guess I should draw everything a little clearer and hopefully by the time exams come by, I shall be a master at it.

My eyes feel so dry. That ain't good.
And the song I'm listening to write now, Bargain of a Century, is a lovely tune. I love the melodic sequence at the beginning and the great guitar solo. Utterly blissful. Now it's changed to Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie. That song manages to always and I mean always, put me into a very mellow mood. All I wanna do is graffiti a wall with the beautiful lyrics of this song...
'The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how,
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer"

Where were you while we were getting high?

Champagne Supernova by Oasis

Isn't it weird how Noel Gallagher left his band (Not that I really care about Oasis)? But it really astounds me at how they endured such a long time, recording and writing together when they hated each other's guts so much. That's a somewhat strange relationship that they maintained there and I guess, it all got too much when Noel ultimately left the band.

I received my exam timetable today and I guess I am pretty satisfied with the exam allocations. I get a 4 day weekend! Excellent and well suited to my needs. I can study some more over that weekend and hopefully, absorb all the relevant information I need to remember.

Monday 14/9: English Advanced
Tuesday 15/9: Mathematics
Wednesday 16/9: Chemistry
Monday 21/9: Maths Ext 1
Physics
Tuesday 22/9: Legal Studies

A pretty hectic timetable methinks. Especially on the 21st. Gosh! Ext 1 and Physics coupled up together. That's bloody brilliant innit?