Nobody is perfect, I think that's been established long ago. Even when perfection is unattainable, surely there are some qualities embedded within a person that will make them stand out and perhaps, be a little special in a way. I've calculated and considered everything about myself, weighed up the qualities and flaws that I personally know I possess and have figured that I am average. To be honest, I think I am more flawed than blessed. You know those people who have a knack for learning all kitschy artsy things easily and/or either talented musically? Yeah, well, I am not one of those. Year 9 + 10 art reinforced my incapability of producing a aesthetically appealing piece of artwork, as indicated by my failed portrait of myself! Alas, I couldn't even draw myself on a bloody canvas. I've tried picking up the guitar and learning a few chords to a few of my favourite songs. Even though I learned the chords, I struggled with keeping my fingers on the strings and progressing smoothly from chord to chord. Yes, I did practise but the more I did, the more I realised how much coordination I lacked to successfully play the guitar. Even though I love listening to the melodic and luscious sounds of music, to reproduce it by myself is just out of my league. It's just something that's not in me. You see, artistic talent is not possessed by myself. (as much as I wish it was) Oh, and artistic talents also embody photography, singing, dancing and all the creative things. I can do them all...all in a mediocre manner..see? Not perfect..nowhere even near good.
Educationally? Average student, not that impressive. Okay at some subjects, shit at others. As indicated by results, I have realised that I am always just an average girl. I sometimes wonder why my name is actually Katie when really it should be my middle name, Jane. I should have been really called Jane Katie Lau, instead of Katie Jane Lau. I do try..to be honest, but it just seems as though every single one of my tests all yield an average result. Maintaining an average result in such a competitive school is not good enough in my standards. I've always wanted to trump the usuals...those girls who are always getting impressive scores in every.single.subject they do. Seriously speaking though...looking and observing their study habits already tire me. I just want to bury my head in a pillow and not look at their determined faces.
I always say this after my exams...but I am thoroughly disappointed with the results I received for mathematics. It was always my strong subject but lately, it's been lagging behind and I am not getting what I want to get. I know I could have done so much better...if I had put in more effort and been a little less arrogant in my assumptions regarding my knowledge of the topics that were tested. I thought I had a reasonable grasp of what was assessed but there were inevitably gaps within my knowledge that restricted me from attaining the marks that were of the higher end. Katie, is yet again, average Katie (Jane). Perhaps this is a wake up call, telling me to refocus and re-evaluate my study habits. I am slightly relieved that these tests only constitute 20% of my overall HSC mark...there is still room for improvement and I know I will make in all the up and coming assessments. It's only a matter of dedication to breakthrough this plain Katie Jane barrier. It will be my time to shine.
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