We make plans for big times

...get bogged down, destructed.
we make plans for good times, all neon all surface

this was spose to be published a week ago, i just didn't finish writing.

There comes a point in life where you realise exactly why some things are cliches, only because they ring the truth and it has been tried and tested with many different people. Time. Time the great healer of everything nasty and hurtful.

It's amazing how potent the healing abilities of time is. I still recall a time in November 2012 where all I thought of was one thing and I simply didn't live life, I just existed through it. For some obvious reasons, it was very evident as to where my sadness was coming from but at that time, it didn't feel justified since most of it was one sided. So in the end, you just need to stand up tall and strong, for there really is no one else but yourself who will lead the road towards rehabilitation. And here I am, living at the end of January 2013. I got through it, not over it and now that past is behind me. Sometimes I do think of the past and how the fantasy world I constructed felt much more satisfying than reality and true, a wave of nostalgia hits me hard in the face. But you learn to accept that these momentary thoughts will pass, that it's only a minute second that your heart dies for a bit...but inevitably restarts to continue this journey of life.

Things have changed for everyone that was in my circle for most of 2012. Circumstances arise, obligations take over and fate drives people apart. Change is inevitable but you learn to accept it because in the most twisted of ways, life has a penchant for throwing blessings in such disgusting disguises that you never saw what was there to begin with. 2013 has been good for me thus far, albeit quite slow but perhaps a smooth sailing is preferable over a dramatic rise and fall. But how do we know how high we can get if we never fall down? Ah. I've fallen so many times last year that everything this year seems to be somewhat more favourable and optimistic.

My holiday in Hong Kong was rejuvenating. It seems as though every trip overseas teaches me something about myself and gives me lessons to be learned. How on earth for the vast majority of 2012 did I forget my roots? Maybe that happened because of the people I was around...or you could say it was because of the person I was around. They say you are the melting pot of everyone you have ever met and with him, it wasn't any different. I adopted traits off him, mannerisms were exchanged and I learnt many useless new things that have simply helped shaped the person I am today. Nevertheless, he was one who was adamant to ditch the asian side of him, preferring to concentrate on the Australian culture that is largely dominated by white culture. I suppose it was a learning experience but in the end, I became more and more like him.

Going to Hong Kong this year made me realise how naive it was to ditch everything about my own cultural background. Despite practicing the language and customs at home, there was a certain part of me that was reluctant to adhere to being strictly Chinese or whatever. I guess that's the odd thing, having two cultures inherrently embedded into your being, your personality and quite frankly, the way you operate. Home is where the heart is. Your roots are where you belong and knowing your heritage, comes an illuminated understanding of the present and why the way things are the way they are.