I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

Tonight I am feeling the blues. Things are playing up and I don't know what to do. Perhaps the best way to sum up what I'm feeling is - losing touch. I'm losing touch with life, with friendships, with the people I care about the most and most of all, myself. I don't know who I am or what I want. And here's a song that I love - Black Eyed Peas' Just Can't Get Enough. I suppose what made me fall head over heels for this tune is the music video. The paradox of Tokyo, chaos and utter isolation simultaneously is captured perfectly here. Sometimes life feels like that. You're looking from the outside where there is people everywhere yet really, you feel like you're the only person in the world...

Things don't make any sense do they?

Practical Class

I had an anatomy laboratory class today of the renal systems which was quite interesting. Got to take a look at cadavers again...and also, the genitalia of females and males. Yup.

Anyway, the point of this post is not about the practical class itself but what happened towards the end of the class. So we were looking at the cadavers pretty intently, my tutor explaining everything about the renal system. Suddenly, to my right, a cry is let out by a girl and she slumps to the floor - or perhaps, falls limp. My classmates and I stand away from her, trying to let her have enough space as possible. I thought she fainted but as I looked at her face, she stared at me blankly while her limbs jerked convulsively. She had a seizure. Her seizure didn't last for so long however but it was certainly quite frightening as this was the first time I had seen someone experience a seizure.

What I didn't like about my reaction was that despite my first aid training, I did not know how to act on the spot. I wish I could have helped her but conveniently, the girl slumped to the recovery position and didn't appear to be biting anything dangerous. I think I was in such a rude shock that I just stood there, clutching my anatomy notes and looked on helplessly. Time to brush up on my first aid...

Hearts on Fire

So...it's been a while since I've last blogged and yeah, I've become rather lazy. Been pretty caught up since uni started again...well, two weeks ago and the content just never stops does it? Far out.

In the meantime however, I went to Cut Copy's concert at the Enmore Theatre last Thursday. Cut Copy were great, as always and this marks the second time I've seen them live so I knew what they were like. The Enmore was not divided into two floors [which was ideal] so I was lucky enough to get close to the stage. However, my main complaint must be the incredibly DEAD mosh pit. I wasn't even far behind and NOBODY danced, NOBODY moshed, everyone was just probably a bit too stoic for my liking. Come on guys! This is Cut Copy. It's only right if you dance at Cut Copy since their music is perfect to dance to. I went all prepared as well, dressing for a sweaty moshpit on a cold night...and to my surprise, I only became remotely 'hot' towards the end of the concert when Cut Copy belted out their hits e.g. Lights + Music & Hearts on Fire. There was plenty of space around me, so many more people could have fit there. It was just so darn odd to be amongst people who were reluctant to mosh and definitely a huge difference from the crazy concerts I've attended in the past ala Muse, Phoenix and MGMT.

Nevertheless, Cut Copy had amazing lighting at their show. I took many photos using my trusty iPhone and the pictures turned out to be pretty nice. And from not bringing my camera to Cut Copy in 2008 since I just wanted to mosh, I used my iPhone to film my favourite songs from the show. Yay! But....why did they not play 'Blink and You'll Miss a Revolution'?!?! That was quite disappointing. That's what I anticipated!!

Anyway, my highlights of the night were:

• Take Me Over
• Sun God
• Hearts on Fire
• So Haunted
• Lights and Music

And the concert was pretty short: http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/cut-copy/2011/enmore-theatre-sydney-australia-73d3eae5.html :(

Only Saturdays from Bright Like Neon Love? What is this?!?! Where was Time Stands Still?!?!

Holy fuck, Melbourne got Feel the Love. I don't feel the Sydney love.

God only knows I've been here once before

Visiting school again for the very first time in 6 months to do a presentation on behalf of USYD's health sciences faculty was quite surreal. It was bittersweet to step into the grounds of St George and talk to teachers as friends now yet everything aside, I realised that it's not school I miss but the memories themselves.

After surviving university for >9 weeks now, I suppose I have grown used to that routine. Seeing the year 12s doing what I did just a year ago is a bit odd to observe and yet nothing has changed in terms of competition between students. I cannot imagine doing the school routine over again, moving from class to class in 40 minute intervals and having a teacher to guide you through everything. I'm really used to lectures now and the concept of having to concentrate intensely so that you don't miss a point. Uni does teach you one thing - independence. So that's it, I don't miss school anymore but I'm not embracing uni either. Despite that, I feel content with the new routine I'm stuck in. I also am not sure if I still want to continue with physio either but 'whatever will be, will be'. Cliche. But hey, everything is a cliche. We're only human.

Farewell to the fairground, these rides aren't working anymore

Sometimes, I know that friends are there to help you and to console you. I don't deny it but I am pretty irrational sometimes, unable to see past things and perhaps I'm quite stubborn too. I have this friend whom I know is nice to me and wants the very best for me. She cares, I know she does but sometimes, the words that come out of her either via mouth or most often by writing, they do cut. And the way that she looks at things is different to what I see and I can't help but wish she wouldn't force her thinking upon me and devalue what I value the most... It's happened quite a few times, she unknowingly does it and I try to ease my displeasure by passing off everything as a joke, laughing it off and using different words.

I'm going to a wedding tonight. I haven't been to one since May 09 and that was a nice one I spose. Actually, what was nice about it was the drive up to Terrey Hills. I downloaded Passion Pit's Manners that day, loaded it onto my iPod and listened to the album in whole as I stared out the window, watching the world past by. 'Swimming in the Flood' came on and I immediately fell in love in that song. Now I associate that time period with that song and that song does nothing but evoke glorious memories.

Commuting is lonely. I commute alone everyday...well, pretty much so. Despite that, I find most of my inspiration from these lonely commutes to the point that I based my HSC belonging narrative on a train ride in Tokyo - something I'll never forget. It's sometimes overwhelming to be there at the train station so early in the morning. Everyone in the carriage is falling asleep, not many words are spoken and the distances between strangers is so wide despite us being physically close to one another. As the train speeds through the tunnels, we move together one side or another, due to something about physics which I cannot be bothered to think of right now, we hit one another, say a soft spoken apology and keep on focusing whatever clouds our minds at the very moment. Trains are like carriages for dreams. So many different people there, so many unrealised or realised dreams, so many paths intertwining, crossing...you name it. It's a melting pot of different lives on the one train and at the end of it all, we leave to pursue our different paths. It scares me. I don't know why. Maybe its because I realise how big the world is.

Haunting

Reading this while listening to Delphic's 'This Momentary' with scenes of the abandoned city Pripyat interposed is chilling. What are we going to do with Fukushima? Some say nuclear reactors are the only way out of our ever increasing consumption of electricity. I don't know what to do.

Famous angels never come through England

The temperatures in Sydney have dropped dramatically, hovering around the 15 - 17 degrees Celsius mark and its starting to finally to feel as if we're heading into cooler weather. It's the last day of April - a rather shocking fact to realise. The past two months seemed like a whim and I really don't have much recollection as to what had happened but only a slight understanding that I was stuck in a routine. And as I think back to 2010, I don't remember much of it either. Perhaps its the effect of routine, once you immerse yourself fully into something that you do so laboriously, you start to lose yourself and forget about life on the outside.

I can still remember that day in London when we treaded to Buckingham Palace to witness the change of guard. The day was chilly, excessively so and despite wearing those thick winter jackets, nothing seemed to be able to keep me warm enough. It was terribly cold, even more so with the dribbling rain that never seemed to stop and regardless of what type of rain, the English don't seem to use umbrellas at all but only take refuge through their beanies and hats. Anyhow, we walked from Victoria Station to the gates of Buckingham Palace, shoving our way through the other eager tourists and somehow, found a spot by the gate. My hands were frozen and the leather gloves, which I had bought the day before, didn't seem to work as they were pretty wet themselves. Most of the ceremony of the change of guard was cancelled due to the weather which naturally, got us pretty disappointed from making the trek to Central London from the suburbs and exposed to the chilly weather. Nevertheless, we headed indoors to the Queen's gift shop and here we saw, merchandise celebrating the wedding of William and Kate. Upon seeing those ceramics that were beautifully decorated with their names and the date of their wedding, I scoffed to myself, thinking that their wedding was ages away. April! Dah, centuries away! And here we are, on the very last day of April, the Royal Wedding had already taken place and we are heading off into May. Time really does escape you sometimes.

Lisztomania, think less but see it grow.

Edwin van Cleef - Lisztomania (feat. Jane Elizabeth Hanley) by Edwin van Cleef
Female vocals on a Phoenix cover? Genius.