did we talk that day? i don't remember. but it was a cold night and i remember thinking about everything that has happened over and over again, wondering what had happened as of late for this to disintegrate steadily into nothing. someone told me to drop all the shit in my life, to move on and stop thinking and thinking, for thinking is a curse that only does harm.
the previous time we were there, it was recognised that life was nothing but coincidence. i guess you said that because you simply didn't want anything to do with me anymore...but simply regard everything as mere coincidence. i tried to not think of whatever that plagued my mind as much, moving on...not caring. and then we were there again on another day, much to my delight. were you happy? i don't know, sometimes i get the feeling that you care and other times i know you don't see what i see in us. this terrible thing called us, which i thought would happen but now, it's more likely going to be just 'i'.
i know there are some moments in life that you have got to seize and knowing that, that time we were together, i decided to seize the moment. to my surprise, you weren't reluctant and you listened to what i wanted. it was a rare moment, i'm not sure if it will happen again because you're never sure with me...or it appears to me that you're always shunning me. whatever the case, i wish that that moment wouldn't be the first and last time but knowing everything that happens in my life, it might be anyway.
i hate how you ignore me. i hate how you act so cool to me, it's almost emotionless. i sometimes wonder whether you even acknowledge me as your friend...because the way things are, the attitude you exude makes me feel otherwise, that i'm not even a friend to you. and so the ever looping realm of confusion strikes again...how many times have i been here? too many.
humans are complicated creatures...so social and so afraid of loneliness. i like to be alone but i hate being lonely, they're two completely different things. and in this rampant world, it feels like the world falls apart sometimes. there are times when you are completely overwhelmed with life, that you seek solace in the comfort of your friends. and then you lose your mind unaware of what you have done... realising that perhaps feeling whatever you felt was a mistake. one thing i can say is...that physical affection is nice, but it's fundamentally empty when you don't see the person involved in that way. this happened ages ago precisely in early may, and i didn't ever feel like writing about it, because.. well, the fling or whatever it's called nowadays was a mistake on my part as well. empty feelings, loads of physical affection. and yet, at that moment....there wasn't much else i could think of other than just the person i have been pining for in the last 6 months. just a little acceptance, perhaps a little acknowledgement would be fine. . .
how can you miss someone who doesn't even miss you? I don't know. But it's possible.
I believe I had fallen. Hard.
how can you miss someone who doesn't even miss you? I don't know. But it's possible.
I believe I had fallen. Hard.
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