October.

These days I'm learning to grow up. Mum has been overseas with my brother for nearly a month now (due to family issues) and honestly, it's just so empty without her. Sometimes I don't know where to go and in fact I feel like a lost little girl. I suppose what I'm yearning is just for my mum to come home because I miss her so much...

It scares me to face the fact that everyone around me are also growing up. Love, sex, relationships, jobs, uni, careers...stretching out to newer horizons...seems like these issues are all that I hear about as late. Your late teens and early twenties are when you're most volatile to changes and everyone is ditching the naive persona that once enclaved them emancipating to real young adults. As I caught up with some friends, I had realised that I was probably the only few left with an idealised perception of relationships these days. Some are moving too fast with their significant others, other people seem to have been dating on and off regularly. And here, after experiencing something that really threw me off course last month, I still haven't really understood how people truly treat relationships with others and how complex it truly is.

The house is so empty right now. It's only me who's here...my sister still hasn't come home from work yet either. And Transatlanticism is playing in the background as thoughts just flow through my head translating to typed out words from my fingertips... I don't know how to be ever truly happy I suppose. I'm stuck between needing to grow up or staying in my idealised world where everything is simply skewed to my perceptions. Why do people grow up? Why do relationships have to encompass such a broad range of emotions? I don't understand what draws two people together. I feel like an outsider in this living world and all I really want to is be 5 years old again, oblivious to the world and be able to sink into my parent's arms after a full day of living and playing, as if nothing else ever mattered.

I feel so small.