how does one start living? i don't know...maybe because I am too afraid to take risks or to try anything new. i'm too accustomed in my own little bubble that doing something unfamiliar makes me feel nervous and afraid. like say for example, going on a holiday trip with friends...there are those moments where i feel uncomfortable and long to go home. i really have to shake these habits and learn to embrace every moment and perhaps, be braver. Yes...that's what I'm lacking, bravery. i am brave when seeking adventurous thrills...like climbing things etc that kinda physical adrenaline stuff...but when it refers to conquering my mind, i am not brave enough. you know what...it feels like i have unlocked what i am lacking just through this stream of consciousness. the brain knows better than you.
life isn't worth thinking what could have been or lingering in thoughts that you know you cannot control...that's where the stress stems from inducing strain on the body. i think it's time for me to reclaim my body back from my thoughts and nurture it with self respect and self love, because that's the only good thing i can think of what to do.
this easter weekend off has been boring to say the least and terribly slow. i haven't been doing much at all. but i have been making plans regarding my future...though they say you shouldn't really plan out too much cause what do you know, 'the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray'... but in the event that i don't ever get into medicine, i shall complete physiotherapy and seek a life off in the uk if there is nothing grounding me here. and to think about it i don't really think there will be...it sounds rather selfish. haha... my mother is really against this ... she doesn't really know what entrances me about the uk. i don't know myself but for some odd reason, it all felt familiar when i was there and simultaneously, i felt i was alive and living. ideally, i really want to go now. take me away uk.
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